It’s safe to say that there are some things in life that we’ll never come to understand. I’ve come to terms with that but there are a couple things I’ve learned so far that I feel obligated to share with others. In hopes of saving someone else the trouble of learning the lessons the hard way, which we all insist on doing anyways, we try to pass useful information along to the future generations as the generations before us have.
It all makes me wonder... It’s an understatement to say that we humans are the most complex creatures on the planet but what is that complexity good for?
I can’t help but imagine a simple life where things like emotions were more natural and instinctual instead of being exposed to the harsh elements of the realities we live within.
We would all be here forever if I tried to start from the beginning and if I wasn’t a cut-2-the-chase kind of girl then I wouldn’t have many stories to tell anyways. We’d all be bored and my friends couldn’t live vicariously through me. So I’ll limit this series of Lesson Learning material to when I moved to the city by myself in the end days of July 2007. Some call it brave, some crazy, some naive; I call it optimistic beyond corruption. Call it what you will, the guarded front, empty smiles and cold eyes took a while to get used to. It wasn’t as scary as everyone said it would be, just different. But at least it was big enough to breathe. Finally! Not being bound by everyone else’s definition of who you are was completely liberating and I realised is that’s what I’ve wanted more than anything. My life was now ready to grow and prosper like it should. I went from a town where you feel like a fucking celebrity because everyone knows your name, to a city where you’re completely anonymous. Not only do you get to redefine how others see you, you can also then redefine how you see yourself.

I must admit the first months in the city were slow goings. I had to focus on work and getting introduced to my life in the real world was hard-knock. The city was alive and I got a chance to do a lot of the tourist shit, Japanese festival, kick-boxing fights, parades, the Symphony of Lights and Pride day (which I had never heard of before but apparently it’s a really big deal!) Not a lot of boy attention though, pretty dormant, a few casual mistakes here and there that can be summed up in
Lesson Learned – Avoid suspected contract killers
Lesson Learned – Off limits: a friend’s siblings
Lesson Learned – Off limits: a friend's sibling’s homies
And a classic.......
Lesson Learned – You’ll always want what you can’t have

And then, just like that, all of a sudden it was on. Similar to a light switch, something happend overnight that sparked a long line of adventures and escapades. Like someone once described it, it went from a drought to a flood in the matter of a weekend.
I went on a drunken limo ride all around the best of the city after dancing the night away at the club. The next night, went on a phenomenal boat cruise and ended up getting busted having a make-out session in the coat room with the DJ. Lesson learned....booze croozes are mighty fun! Stumbled off the 3 hour cruise, 2 of which were awesome, but by the last hour you’re like “AH, I’m stuck on a boat with a bunch of drunk people!” So here I go and take a cab to meet up with a buddy from out of town and his insanely hot posse of friends at an equally hot night club. There’s one boy in particular that had caught my eye way earlier on in the night at dinner, I’m a sucker for a sexy Asian boy in Versace.
So when I got to where I should’ve been all night... I danced my little heart out. He looked even more out of this world then when I had first met him. Maybe it was the litres of beverages consumed between then and now, the intoxicating smell of his cologne, or the way he literally stole me from his beautiful black friend I was originally dancing with. Whatever it was, it made me melt, the way we tore it up on the dance floor was unreal. He was like a Chinese version of Usher. YUM!  I’m not usually a particularly amazing dancer, like I can certainly keep up and do my thang, but for some reason that night I was on pointe. We were dancing so fierce right till close, it was almost disgusting how much fun we were having. I didn’t think it could get better, but when we finally got back to my place it did. He was such a freak in the sheets, I’m not sure if it’s because we had amazing dance-foreplay but, wow! I felt like death ran over twice in the morning, although I tried real hard to be cute as I sent him on his way. Totally could’ve been a lot smoother...could’ve been worst I suppose. But next time, no matter how amazing the chemistry is I have to remember to do the exchange of names. He left on his way back home without ever knowing my name and I had not a clue what his was. It just never came up...
Lesson Learned – Always ask a name
Ironically enough, the last time I was was in my hometown, I was at my buddy’s place catchin up, havin some beers and randomly they’re all flipping through pictures on F-book. I just happen to look over my shoulder on the way out the door to go smoke a j.... and its him. A gorgeous picture of him, in a white suit looking ever so fly. I totally lost it, started to trip out so hard that my girl was like “uhh thats him isn’t it...thats him. Thats the Usher guy isnt it?” Haha! I had told her how shook I was over this guy but couldn’t let him know because I didn’t know his name and wouldn’t let him know because I’m just a diva like that. So then she starts to trip and all my guy friends start to trip, mass confusion, because they see me all shook....... over a boy! So they also apparently happen to know him...pretty well and now fully trying to convince me to call him up. Now normally, there would have to be no convincing necessary, I’m not at all shy when it comes to phone flirting, but for some reason I couldn’t pull it together. I even avoided adding him on f-book for about 2 ½ months so that I didn’t go and ruin that one blissful night we shared.
Last week I caved and added him, then poked him...he poked back. You see the benefit of being from a small town is you can get the low down on a guy from the men that you trust in your life and they’ll tell you straight up. It seems that history has a tendency of repeating itself despite our best efforts and as it turns out our lil asian usher is a gangster aswell. Suprise Suprise, well at least I’m consistant! Yikes... So the poking is kind of where I want it to end it right now before I fall and can’t ever get back up again.
I take it back! I take it back! He messaged me last night and I flirted my ass off for a bit. Then he text me, round 1:30AM and told me he’s coming to my city within the next couple of weeks. I pretty much almost fell over, good thing I was laying down. He’s a naughty one, likes to talk dirty aparently! Haha but then again what guy doesn’t once in a while? He’s in the middle of nowhere putting in long hours at school the least I can do is tell him how much I’m going to rock his little world all over again when he gets here. I can do my part to keep young people in schools cause when I send him home, he’ll be good to go for at least another couple months. I told him last time that i would do anything to make him mine, thats pretty much still true, but i must admit i love that he doesn’t live here.

   It seems to me that genuine charm and unique connections, have been cleverly disguised by ego games and sexy decoys. Both parties usually leave somewhat fulfilled, to varying degrees...temporarily.....but yet the next day continues as the ones before it. It’s not love, you both know it, and it’s barely even lust, so why? I suppose it’s like shopping for the right dress, how do you know what you want before you try a few on? You must try some really random ones once in a while, so at least if nothing else you can say “well I definitely know what I don’t want!” I’d better shop around now because I hear that when you’re old everything starts to fit funny and you start to settle for sheer comfort.
  Mind you it’s a lot easier to return a cocktail dress to the frizzy redhead with the bad boob-job and the lipstick on her teeth across the counter than the gorgeous shirtless Persian man sittin on your couch next to you. He was the drug dealer to my shoe fetish in the hood mall near my house. Always so nicely dressed head to toe, the English needed a bit of tuning but I could work with it for sure. We flirted for months, I would walk through lookin all fly just to tease and I finally hooked him the digits one day. I hope I don’t take home strays forever because I left that one in the middle of the road in the rain and I didn’t even have the heart to look back to check if he was crying, I couldn’t bare it. This, by the way, was a sufficiently awkward first date and the whole thing was disturbing now that I think about it. Let’s just chalk one up for a
Lessons Learned –looks are so very deceiving.
There no reason why the random things in life can’t be the best. For example; my friend and I were walking downtown last night after a joint and un-related stink bomb incident at the beach and I just happen to look into a store front as we’re passing by. I see one of the most beautiful men I’ve seen in real life standing almost naked on a ladder, stretched to the roof like O’Brian himself. The light glistened over his chiselled body like water over silk and his posture was strong and sturdy. He looked like a Greek god reaching for the heavens and I’m not even religious, or I wasn’t until his moment, haha. There was a moment where his lips were pursed with conviction and he tensed muscles so that it almost made me faint. I stopped and my jaw dropped, I just started to applaud him, its only thing I felt did him justice. He looked at me startled for a second which quickly turned to embarrassment and a very flattering shade of pink. For the record, he was way too beautiful to be single or even straight for that matter but there was a moment where it did not matter in the slightest.
Lesson Learned - Keep your eyes open
Spontaneity has lost touch with me, in midst the illusion of obligations as well as competing priorities combined with the electric leash that is my cell phone. I’m guilty and I’m sure we’re all guilty at one point in our lives, for using a cell phone as a weapon, it’s an easy way to do a lot of damage. Talk about weapons of mass destruction. Caution, cell phone assaults will look different and vary severely from individual to individual. It is not always a violent outburst in the middle of the lunch rush line-up at your local Wendy’s. Or a stabbing with the thrust of a mid-sentence hangup followed by the call back.
In fact, I’d be willing to bet that you’re average cell-phone assault is as sly as the small text message with the words “where are you?” Now on any other occasion these words are harmless, nay even comforting to know that someone wants to know your whereabouts and how you’re doing at that moment. But at that particular moment, you’re in the cab on the way to the club, decked to nines with the girlies, the guys and the giggles.. glowin like crazy. The last thing that I want to pop into my head is that fucking text message. Or worst yet in the middle of the dance floor grindin with some new hottie and then oops! My phone.....again!!! Djs always try to talk so fly, but then again I’m pretty sure real Djs at least leave the hood too, oh burn! Anyways, at least if it was a phone call it’s easy to ignore with excuses like I was drunk, didn’t hear it over the music ect.... With a text the sender knows that you got it and there’s no excuse. Still haven’t replied to it, it’s been 4 months.
Lesson Learned – Avoid a call – not a text.
So one thing you should know before you move to a city is that the air so so sexually charged over here you have to be careful not to light a match or something might blow up. I understand that it’s a hot market for singles out there right now, I’m one of them. But some of these girls make it pretty unrealistic to compete, where do they all come from is what I want to know. May we go destroy their ant-hill so the rest of us non models have a fighting chance? I mean I can get pretty done up but I have days where I wanna wear sweat pants and uggs, if my man can’t be hyped on that then he aint no man at all.  Thats why when the boys flirt with me at work it makes me laugh because anyone who can find me attractive in my work attire isn’t half bad. 

 The workplace, sometimes may feel like a frenzy of flirtatious energy, secret and not-so-secret admirers. Body language, eye contact, smiles, laughs, interaction, good conversation, chemistry...the works! And at my work it all happens within about 2 ½ minutes. I knew that playing with this fire was risky, but curiosity got the best of me and I had to investigate. He was tall, brown, thick and mysterious. He would come in and I would always forget his drink because it was so simple and he had those eyes that made me blush instantly. I soon found out on my break one day that he was a cab driver; he offered me a ride, which was instantly a joke to me. He compensated for it a little bit when he gave me his card that said he was also in Real Estate. I have no official Super-Barista card yet so I wrote my name & number on a sleeve, embellished it with tiny hearts and handed it to him. I know what you’re thinking, cheesy....buts it’s a player move cause he called  the very next day. But I found out he likes to stroke his own ego a little too much for my good. Maybe I’m just selfish like that – maybe he’s cab drivin' real estate agent that lives with his parents. Maybe it’s a bit of both, either way it was a big hells no when he was like “ ...I just don’t want to end up breaking your heart.” Or “..I don’t want you to feel like a booty call.” Buddy, you’re not Tyson Beckford here! I say when you can & can’t come over to my apartment and P.S: just in case you forgot, we’re not even sleeping together so how can this be anything close to the real booty call that I need right after you leave!
 Needless to say after that I stopped returning calls and tried to send him the ultimate hint by not returning his text (see above). There was a definite cold shoulder the last time he came over, he made fun of me for being tired and high...I felt like it was grade eight. I just wanted him out out out, the ego was suffocating my bachelor pad. Its frustrating because now he comes in with his cabby friends and has coffee and stares. I think the worst part is that he wears these rubber sandals that dads wear, and we’re still having random snow and hail....really though? Must you?
# 1 Lesson Learned Don’t Shit Where You Eat

That being said, at least he still comes and makes the effort to redeem himself and flirt. On the other hand, the Japanese boy, too pure for his own good, makes no effort to say hello from across the street. At first, I wasn’t attracted to him, so skinny and I knew I would be too much for him to handle. Originally I totally had it out for his friend, but found out that he was taken, like every other decent guy in this city. The skinny one grew on me though and I knew I could be down. I think it was an experiment for both of us the Halfers vs. Pures (we’re still awaiting confirmed results). I can confirm right now that this boy was wild but as I predicted, it was short and sweet. Other than the sex, the chemistry was all good but I can’t freak with him if he can’t freak back. With him I was a side of me that I don’t get an opportunity to be all the time, it gave me new perspective into a world that I’m only beginning to explore, hehe. How do you say hot like fire in Japanese?
But we must not forget – boys gossip too...no matter what language!!
So the #1 Lesson Learned pt. 2 – Don’t Fuck Where You Eat (or within a 10K radius)

The workplace should probably be considered the most off-limits place to run the dating game of Russian roulette. It feels more like war around the work zone. Casualties fall too close to your feet and your co-workers walk the battlefield hoping to catch wind of a juicy tidbit of gossip or a whiff of a scandal to gnaw on. I definately take some of these gambles to push the limits. I know this, but I have to feel it out, see what I can get away with and see if it’s all worth it. If you can finish up your day and be like “hecks yes I had fun,” then in my mind that’s a successful day. I know the definition of success changes depending on who you’re talking to, but for me... it’s the key to the rest.
I hope to continue the journey never holding back because as they say: life is too short. When I was little and my parents would ask me: What are you most scared of? You would expect a response like spiders, monsters, bats or bugs, nope, I looked them right in the face and told them I was afraid of waking up one day and realizing my life has passed me by. To this day, that remains my worst fear, I must admit burning alive or being buried alive runs a damn close second though and spiders are definitely coming in at third.
I have to try to find humour in the adventures and misadventures of life. If you can’t wake up every morning with a fresh take then you might as well live in the same day forever.