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| never gonna grow up, never gonna go home.
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Tonight was my grandparent's 60th anniversary. Crazy. Especially during times like these , where every other couple is getting divorced.
Their example will have a great affect on me because i will be in a marriage as lasting as theirs. I don't hope for this, i know this. As soon as i find my girl, thats it.
We went on a steam boat on toms river new jersey. Even with facial hair and me playing it very cool, i still got carded, it was bull sugar. But we had a great time, my grandparents were very happy. Tonight i realized how lucky i am to have such a happy, healthy and fun family. We agreed that night, that we're going to invest in a family boat at somepoint.
I talk to some friends from camp lindenmere tonight and i started to think about camp and my whole experience with camps. I had to make a big decision this summer regarding camp and this band, and i decided i would not come back because of my life in music. It was a sacrifice i had to make, and i'm feeling it now more than i did earlier. But it isn't a total loss, because i would just be at camp wishing i was in a band anyways i think. I think my friends know that too.
But i said to my friend arwinian, "you know my whole life i was never something until i was at camp." I think about this, and its really sadly true sometimes lol. As a camper i was always more appreciated by friends and definitely more appealing to girls and stuff. As a counselor i realized that i had a positive impact on the campers and my co workers, that i wasn't just some weird kid to deal with, that i was truly loved and enjoyed. Not too mention my time at camp was the most fun in my life, i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in any other context ever. So many fun times, so many crazy people, so many great memories. People say that shit about college, and right now I'd rather be somewhere else then that place.
Growing up , this was a concept i wasn't familiar with. I had to fight for everything, to be respected, to be loved, to feel apart of what was going on around me. At camp i could be myself and i was in, i belonged. I have never felt like that anywhere in my life, and i only realize now as i am typing.
Arwinian reminded me that music is my life right now and that dream comes first. But i did make a promise a long time ago, that if that didn't work, i'm coming back to this camp thing.
I still talk to people here and there from my old camp in maine called "friends camp" Even now i look at an IM screen that i really want to IM but i'm debating it. Have we moved on? or is there still a chance she'll want to see me again-hell i could always pray that we'll run into each other again. I must be crazy, i really must be. She goes to buffalo now, and gave up her dreams to become a broadway star to study psychology. I remember feeling strange when she said that. Probably cause i'm still following mine. She was the first girl i fell in love with, like truly in love. I was 16 and she was a beautiful woman from new york city that liked me for some strange reason. She should've hated me and thought me as obnoxious, but she laughed, she laughed at almost everything i said. The funny thing is i fell for her, not because she was beautiful, but because she made me laugh. She knew how to dish and it was incredible. I told her online and she was like "okay wow don't feel the same". haha. But thats young love. Still think of her every once in awhile. Still afraid to IM her too lol.
To this day i compare every girl i ever meet to what me and lauren had. The ones that don't get rid of me first, usually don't last longer than 3 months. I guess that sort of explains my situation, i never thought about it like that before...
love you and goodnight,
Mikey
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Posted by leavinglondonblogs on 2008-06-15 02:02:09 | Rating: | Views: 99
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