i'm stuck between two guys, and it's bad for a dense, clueless and cruel person like me,
no one told them to like me more than friends, no one told me that they like me,

i'm a straight-to-the-point kind of person, if you want to do something, then why not now right?
i'm a go-getter, but alas, i'm still lazy, haha, that's why teachers complain why i have those average grades when i can do so much better.

well, i'm bc enough, i can't go back to carefree high school days, i can't go forward to the "real world" i'm sort of stuck in college, neck deep in paperworks and i'm supposed to just grin and bear it
of course i'll bear it, but it's the question of patience, i'm not a patient kind of woman who would smile or something, if i want something i will get it, as long as i don't trample on someone...

so, i'm stuck in the middle of the crossroads, not knowing where and when to turn or just go straight ahead...

i'm a leader for one thing, against my will and yet my members tells me that i'm doing a great job, my friends tells me that i'm cool, my classmates praises my straight-forwardness and i don't know a thing about those professors, somehow, i don't want to get attached...

anyway, if i go forward, maybe i'll meet my goal there, but the way forward.. is so damn easy, so damn clear that i know what i have to do, and i don't want to know what i have to do in my life, i mean, that i like suprises, i like alternatives, i like challenges that could make me a stronger person
so
should i take the detour? should i take a step to the right where i follow my family's dreams for me? should i take a step to the left to follow my dearest friends or should i just stand in here forever, not knowing what to do for the rest of my life..?

i'm standing at the crossroads, knowing that one step will change my life forever, so what should i choose?!

also, the matter of those damn two guys...
one is my sort of best friend, and it stays there, i've already told him about that, but they still tell me that he likes me...
the other guy is the one i've just met, a semester ago, and yet, we've been pretty close, but not that close enough for me to believe that he already likes me that much..

you see, i hate to be romatically close to people, i don't want to fall in love because i'm afraid of those risks...

i can't go damn back to those days... those days that i've got nothing to care about in the world besides myself, my friends and family...

haha, i'm neck-deep flood, standing in the middle of the crossroads, with no way of returning back from where i came from...

is it that good or that bad that i've reached a crossroad of my otherwise, monotonous life?