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IT'S FINALLY SNOWING HERE PEOPLE!!!!!!!! I dont really know what it is but bad weather days make me so happy. I love to be warm and in my bathing suit on the beach on a sunny ass day but i feel so good when it rains snows hails sleets or is just a gray cloudy day that never really wakes up. Today it has finally snowed here. It started about an hour ago and is still fallin. I hope it sticks i hope we can get a few inches. It gives me energy and motivation and my soul brightens up on these days that everyone else wants to sleep all day or eat stew. My brother is the same way.
On another not so bright and shiny note, i am in finacial need as of now and am going to ask my dads side of the family to unload their pockets. They never help me with anything they have never been there for us or done anything helpful when we needed it. They are the type of people who dont speak to us for months or years and we finally call them to end the childish game of well you didnt so i didnt and next thing you know you get $100 in the mail with a small piece of paper with a heart and an I and a U on it no small note of i care or how are you n o letter no card just money as if to say i know we dont talk or see eachother but here have some money. Are they buying my love or is that how family ties are kept together? For me its insulting and aggrivating. Im your daughter hes your son im your only grandaughter and hes one of 3 of your grandsons. We arent adopted children or married in step kids we are you blood. But because im not there i dont exist until i call you just to see if your alive and ok cause i love you and worry and wonder why we dont deserve a call or card or letter or visit and then and only then i get a fucking check in the mail like im a subscription thats about to end. That magazine that you like a little and read on occasion but really its the one you set in a drawer or closet or under the coffee table to forget until the next issue arrives or the subscriptioon might end. I say whatever to you then. I will ask you to do me a favor and help me pay for school this one semester this one time. And in my heart i can hear the well im sorry but im not any better off than you dear. i can give you $100 or so dollars would that help. yes you assholes it will buy me half a fucking class ill take it you selfish ignorant rude people. And then itll be done. Ill be over it to the point i wont care. I cant care it hurts to much to care. To care means i have to sit and ponder what it was that we did for them to hate us so much to not care to wonder how a father can just forget about his kids and how grandparents who only have 2 kids with 4 grandchildren total can ignore 2 of them. Because we dont live there we are outcasts. Ok im ok with it it has been this way forever. It just makes my heart hurt a little for my brother who never had a dad who hurts about being a so called fuck up in your eyes. I think youd really like us if you just gave us a chance...........................one chance.
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Posted by laughing_gas on 2007-11-30 11:26:45 | Rating: | Views: 60
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