i usually blog at night but today the last day of the year i'm daring to be different. i was up late last nite conferring with a new friend on thoughts learning about things on the computer. he says i can't screw this thing up but if it can be done at all it'll be me that does it. i am the master of screw ups. i do the impossible. i think i'll stay in tonite something i never do. i usually bring in the new year with my kids and i'm not feeling very socialable today so i think i'll just make myself miserable and stay home. i have my gas tank rationed any way because i don't get paid til friday and i am officially broke and have my mileage figured out for the gas i have. isn't that terrible?  can't go anywhere because i can't afford the gas. my new year's resolution should be to get financially secure in 08. fat chance of that i'm sure. i cannot seem to get ahead. i'm getting too old to worry any more and worry too much about everything. every year i say "this will be the year" and every year by jan. 2 something happens. last year i lost my job and used up all my savings trying to stay ahead of the bills. i got another job but havn't been able to put money in my savings since. it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop, this bad luck. i don't like to get too comfortable because sooner or later (most of the time sooner) something happens. last year my five yr. old grandson past away of cancer. that was a real ass kicker to be sure. i thought i'd never be able to get past it and the family still has a very long way to go. one of my resolutions for many years is get a divorce from my spouse (who has got to be the MOST miserable excuse for a human being EVER). that has been my goal for a long time. all i've ever wanted is to be able to use the phone without someone listening on the extension or at the door. being able to journal without him reading it (although through this site i am able to do that). getting my mail without it being opened first. buying something without him telling giving me a bunch of shit. watching tv on my living room couch, eating in my kitchen, cooking myself something to eat, coming and going as i please, having a pet to love, taking a shower without worrying about him walking in, sleeping without worrying about him coming in. are all men like this???? if i could just get some luck going for a little while then maybe just maybe i could accomplish some of these things i want. so i'll say a little prayer to the new year's gods, and say a big prayer to the only GOD, and hope for a better new year.