Thoughts.com Blogs - WHEN SATAN CALLED ME I SAID WHAT??

Catchy title huh? i have decided that the spouse may need a new nickname and since he's been acting like Satan, well...........what better name than the very thing he behaves like. hes been tempting me like satan did christ in the desert. "come on home and you will have money in ur pockets again", "come home and things will be different" (whoa, that was original). oh and my personal favorite? "please come home, u know i love u".... cough...vomit......heave again......ok, i think it's over.......wait a minute........puking again.........sigh.....god, give me credit for an ounce of brain matter, will u???
He is such a sick fucker. He has himself deluded into thinking i am sooooooo desparate for a man, any man that i would lower myself to his standards and want him. i'd rather go with some relative of the neanderthal cave man that hasn't taken a bath in two years, eats with his feet and pisses outside. jeeeeeez, what some people will think!
I am OK. I AM OK!!!! i am scared shitless, but i will be fine. i'm like a cat here lately. i always land on my feet. Don't ask me how but i do. i told satan that he needs to find some other desparate female to tempt. what happened to his honey bee??? did she get the shits of him now that he doesn't have me to pound on? maybe he tried to pop her (just to keep in practice) and she kicked him to the curb. good for her if she did and fuck her bc she made my life almost as miserable as he did. who the hell did she think she was entering my marriage, bad or not and causing havok? she was IN my home and IN the bed that we had shared. is it any wonder i got a new queen size one for little ole me??? don't want mistress and satan cooties on me! GROSS!
Anyway, he called me when i was about to get in the bubble bath that i had thought about ALL DAY. i had finally opened up my special stuff i had gotten from BATH AND BODY WORKS and ran my hot water. had the house to myself, my favorite music, and a glass of wine and was just about to say "AHHHHHHH", when the phone rang. ever notice how absolutely mind boggling it sounds when u don't want to answer it? that nasty ass ring! man, was i pissed and ready to kill when i finally picked up the reciever. "honey?" who the fuck is this calling me 'honey'? OMG an obscene phone call......(my first, i might add)........"yeah, who is this?"......."don't u recognize my voice?"........"well, if i recognized ur voice, would i be asking who the hell this is?"......... "its me dickhead" (actually used his real name but i like mine better)........."oh you!, and can i ask what it is u need or want?"........."why, i was wondering if u gave anymore thought to my invitation?".........invitation?????? am i going to a freaking party???? am i going to a ball???? ass hole......"why, yes i did dickhead" (again, i used his real name, but don't u like the dickhead better? sort of adds a little class to the story). "and?" he says. "why, i think the answer is definitely FUCK NO", i hear a gasp at the other end......."what did u say to me?"......."u heard me asshole" ( and this time i did use that word). "i said fuck no" "what part of that do u need me to interpret?" "the fuck? or the no?" i then went into a tirade like u have not seen since the gladiators. i said everything i had saved up or thought of since FOREVER. i wouldn't even let him get a word in edge wise. its a wonder the son of the devil didn't just hang up on me but i think he was in a state of shock, i really do. i took a line from tinkerbell and adjusted it to fit my life. "if u ever bother me again, i will take my jeep and stick it up ur ass so far u will have tires coming out of ur dick". AND THEN...... i hung up on him..... and breathed a sigh.....and went back to my well deserved by now, bubble bath.... and soaked and soaked and soaked.......and drank a few more glasses of wine and........smiled.

Signed and proud to say
KAREN