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| THE RIPPLING EFFECT......
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"Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you, but trusting and hoping that they don't. "
I read that somewhere and at first decided 'I don't give anyone that ability!'. But after some consideration realized 'Yeah, I do!'. I give it to people all the time. What other choice do I have? To live my life with no love at all? To never take a chance of finding someone to love me as I deserved to be loved? We all want that even though many of us try to deny it.
I want that in my life. I don't 'need' it, but I want it. I have that in my life too. The problem is....I don't think the person in question knows it. I've done some stupid shit in my years here on this earth. Things I wish I could go back and remedy. All I can do is learn from them and try not to duplicate them.
I was talking to my sister today and she was telling me about my brothers and all they were up to. It was like talking about total strangers. She lives in Florida and knows more about them than I do and they live minutes from me. I don't 'not speak' to them, I just don't communicate well with them. My oldest brother Mike is the one I'm closest to, I supose. He married a woman recently he met online and gave the storybook ending to his romance with her. They are very happy and I'm so glad for them.
My two youngest brothers are so 'distant'. I've had issues with them and even though I think I'm 'over' it, maybe I'm not. I've tried to get past things but I seem to hold on longer than Moses. I will 'speak' to them but its more like I'm talking to anyone I might meet, rather than my brothers. Whats wrong with me? Am I the 'bitch sister'? I cannot seem to get over stuff like I used to. When I was with Satan, I just left things roll right off my back. I never held onto things. I couldn't afford that luxury. I would have gone totally mad holding things in, so I took the rule of thumb that if it happened to me, it didn't matter and I needed to 'suck it up' and 'get over it'. NOW, I believe people believe they can do whatever and say whatever they want to me and since its just Karen, I'll be OK with it and I'm not.
How do I get others to treat me with the respect that I think I should be treated with? Is it in my actions? Words? Thoughts? I'm not sure anymore. My feelings get hurt so easily anymore. No more tough skin do I have! I try so badly to be this 'new woman' of the millenium and keep falling back into my old traps. I want to be the person that my love wants me to be, that he deserves me to be and just don't seem to be setting the bar very high. Do I have too high of expectations or too low? Do I expect me to make all the accomodations or him? Do I let him put words in my mouth or tell him to 'shut up' and let me think for myself? Maybe I need to just be alone and not worry all together!
Don't ask me where all this came from bc I don't know. Just an incident that happened that led to one thought and then to another and yet to another and then to this post! I had a rippling of emotions that came to become my blog. Go figure!!!!
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-09-06 16:22:26 | Rating: | Views: 44
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K, sometimes all of us feel lack of respect from people we love and have done a lot for. It has happened to me and to some of my closest friends. I am learning that it does not mean we are unworthy - it's just how we translate feelings and sometimes we get it wrong. I am fortunate to have a close relationship with my brother, but then there is 3,000 miles between us and we see each other about twice a year. I suspect you are still suffering hurt from your younger brothers. I can never urge people enough to practise forgiveness. It doesn't mean you have to forget but when you let the anger go something better happens. You are an amazing lady and you have come through a lot in the short time I have had the pleasure of knowing you. I hope tomorrow will be a good one for you. God bless.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-09-06 17:16:17
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You are who you are...and should be accepted for that. I have been estranged from several of my siblings for six years now....I have forgiven them, but I will not give them an opportunity to continue to inflict pain. I have been realizing lately I am more sensitive too...weird, because I thought as we got older that would lessen. Guess it just proves, we continue to be human no matter what our age.
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Posted by slowtolearn
on 2008-09-07 10:10:01
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oth
I think (in my humble opinion) that for too many years I didn't get or feel i should recieve respect. I never felt worthy of it and rarely got it anyways. I've always been the one that has gotten dumped on bc of it. I've been too soft and too easy to 'get to'. I ask no excuses for it. I don't want anyone thinking i want a 'pity party'. It's just the way things have been for so long. I see that a lot here reading posts. We don't think we deserve respect so we don't get it. Now I am having a difficult time trying to get others to give it to me. Maybe i waited too long and its no longer possible. I have tried to forgive also. That is my 'downfall' and until i can finally let it go, i'll have it with me.
stl
I couldn't agree with you more about the siblings. I need to try and forgive but not give them another chance to 'screw me to the wall'. I also thought my skin would be tougher as i got older and it seems i am getting more sensitive and vulnerable. Whats that about? Who said life gets easier as we go along? Not me!!!!!
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-09-07 18:13:33
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ok I will just throw out 3 wise expresions
dont even know who said them
we teach others how to treat us
and the definition of insanity
is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome
and last but not least
winners never quit and quitters never win
I dont have any answers, I just hope you start feeling better
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Posted by roe
on 2008-09-07 23:24:40
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I believe the best way to get someone to treat you well is to lead by example, and if that doesn't work then tell them how it makes you feel and hope that they listen to what you're saying, but in the end if it doesn't work then it's not your fault it's their own insecurities or problems making them that way xoxo
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Posted by deepthinker21
on 2008-09-08 00:20:00
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