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I was talking to someone recently about relationships. We didn't argue per se but we did tend to disagree a little. We started talking about whats more important in a relationship....the emotions or the physical. I voted emotions.She voted physical. Now while you have both its great but sometimes for reasons that aren't important you have to make a choice. Can you live without the physical part if you have the emotional?
I believe I could live (if i had to) without the physical part. I could not however live without my emotional. I need the words, the whispers, the feelings, the romance. Maybe its just me. Maybe because of the way I had to live for so long I realized that the 'feelings' are so much more important to me. Anyone can get laid. It takes no talent to go to some bar and get laid. I want the romance...the sweet words...the I love you's. Call me silly...call me a romantic idiot, I don't care...its what i want and without it, I want nothing.
For many years I lived with pain of all kinds. I had so many broken bones and black eyes it seemed strange when I didn't. But they healed.They always healed. It was the words that I carry to this day with me. The names I still feel the sting from. The cursing..swearing..blaming...those are the things I've had difficulty getting over. I carry the doubt from being called names. Am I that? Was I that? Being called stupid...ugly..fat..useless...whore...a bad mother....They were the absolute worst. I look in the mirror sometimes and still see that person. The fat, ugly, useless person of then. I hate it when she appears. I hate her for resurfacing in my life. If 999 people tell me forever how good I am, how beautiful I am, how wonderful I am and 1..just 1 comes along and says 'NO, you're nothing!'...who do you think I'll believe? The 999 or the 1? I will believe the one bc the bad things are always easier to accept. Why is that? Why is it that way?
So when I feel that I can go without the physical part of a relationship...I can. I don't want to but I could.But to go without kind words...sweet words....words that can bring me to my knees with warmth and love?....Never, absolutely never!
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-10-01 19:57:23 | Rating: | Views: 83
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I can totally relate...
I understand..
and I'm working on my own story for this blog about it.
You're right..emotional means everything...
getting laid is easy...finding love, that's the hard part.
:)
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Posted by smilinirisheyes
on 2008-10-01 20:17:00
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I definitely agree that an emotional connection is far more important than a physical one (although, in my humble opinion, neither is easy).:-)
And I know what you mean about it being so much easier to believe the negative about ourselves...maybe because it reinforces what we already believe. VERY frustrating...
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Posted by joelbarish
on 2008-10-01 22:41:29
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I totally agree with you K. An emotional connection is, for me, much more fulfilling than any physical connection. I need those words, to be told and shown that I am loved and cherished. Then, hopefully, that emotional connection leads to physical intimacy. But it is the emotions that are the more important aspect (at least for me).
I wonder if this is more a more common feeling among women than men?
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Posted by country_girl
on 2008-10-01 23:01:02
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Well, I don't know about all this 'easy to go to a bar and get laid' stuff - sure isn't easy for me!
But, on a serious note... Victims of abuse, physical and emotional/mental often live in a pertual state of brittleness. It takes a long time of consistent work and help to get to a level of comfort, and one person can say or do one thing and bring it all crashing down.
I've seen some people recover from this and I hope you will also.
Very touching post.
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Posted by SmoothOperator
on 2008-10-02 00:15:23
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Emotional connections must be made before any physical connection could possibly follow. At least that is my rule of thumb! ;-)
C
p.s. without an emotional connection, how does the physical "feel" true?
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Posted by douxdemure
on 2008-10-02 12:50:37
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Irish
Emotions hurt so badly. I hate feeling anything. thanks for your comment
J
I'm surprised a guy feels like this bc usually they don't...no offense. But its nice to see....Thanks
CG
I know you're hurting right now and know u understand what I'm saying. I hope u feel better and that the next person you give ur heart to....gives theirs back. Thanks
Smooth
Victims of abuse do feel the negatives a whole lot easier. We also have softer feelings and thinner skins. Nice of someone to realize this.
DX
Without the emotional there is no physical....ur very right. I just want to curl up in a ball and not feel anything....emptiness!
K
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-02 18:09:54
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I, myself, am a hopeless romantic. I find joy in simple gestures and thoughts that show love in the sweetest possible ways. I cannot live without love, without the feeling of love. I remember the first time I fell in love, we did not hug or kiss or even hold hands. But I was so happy. I wanted to always see him and be with him even if we were far or even if I could only see him from a distance. He showed me his love with care, thoughtfulness, and resourcefulness. He always looked at me with so much emotions that I can read right through his eyes. Those were the days I would never forget. And after eight years (although we separated twice), here we are again, still in love. The emotions are the very essence of love.
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Posted by yanyanna
on 2008-10-02 21:15:26
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I have to have an emotional connection because what is there in the Phy,,,, way when your old and gray. You need to be friends before .....................................lovers.
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Posted by michelle8angels
on 2008-10-02 22:49:57
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Oh, I soooo agree with you!!! Emotional relationships are so much more important.
The kind and loving words are what matter. Making you feel special, and important, like YOU above anyone else matters to him. For him to treat you like he truely cares for you, and when you look at him and you see the love in his eyes and his smile that is just for you, the physical relationship will just naturally follow. At least that is what happens when a man and woman truly love eachother and belong together.
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-10-03 00:04:17
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This guys take here.... Yes both are extremely important... Now having said that, "No Woman (nor man for that matter) should ever have to endure physical or mental abuse from their spouse. I know it is common state and frankily it breaks my heart. I am truly sorry that you have had to endure this lastblasttkl.
In the matter of emotional connectivity VS. physical, (abuse aside) I believe both are equally important however a true lover, best friend, soul mate (if you will) should be willing to give one for the other or give all for the one they love. This my friends is the hallmark of true love... Were my wife to become inconpacitated physically, I know in my heart of hearts I will stay by her side weather she could interact physically or not. I believe in my heart of hearts that if she became unable to interact mentally or physically I would stay by her side until the day she departs from this earth...
Just my take...
E
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Posted by Evetspordlaw
on 2008-10-03 02:39:31
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