I cannot believe its coming up one year since Scottie has left us. It sometimes feels like hes still here and he'll start dancing and playing as soon as I walk in the door. But I know he won't....He will never dance, sing, or play here in our world again. He now dances and sings and plays where the angels are. And although I know hes better off....I still miss him greatly. I still want to see his little face....feel his arms around me.....and listen to him laugh.
I wanted to post something special but didn't know how to do what I wanted, so to easy2say...thank you for telling me how to do this. I owe you BIG TIME.
I used to hum this song to Scottie when I would watch him for Steph....I especially used to whisper the words to him when he was sleeping. When we finally knew there was no more medically that could be done for him this song became even more precious to me. He raised me higher than I have ever been in my life. He showed me what real courage was every day of his 5 yrs. We all sit and complain about the dumbest stuff.....God...if you only knew how silly we sound sometimes. This little guy lived with physical pain we can only imagine. He lived with 15 plus meds a day....doctors poking him....tech sticking him......chemo making him throw up so bad he bled from it......meds with such side effects, we wouldn't take them......tests..... hospitals....tubes....a living nightmare for us......To him? His daily life.....His weekly routine. Steph kept his life as normal as she could. When we went...Scottie went. When we played....Scottie played. He may have been asleep but he was there none the less.
I had his photo up for awhile (the one shortly before his death) and someone asked me something about him not knowing who he was. The remark was unkind. I was so terribly hurt by it I decided to remove the photo and just leave what had been up there initially. I don't need ignorant ppl saying things about the bravest little boy I've ever known. He was too....You never knew he was sick from the way he acted. You would never guess in a million years he was in the kind of pain he was in by the way he lived his short life. The doctor told us he was most likely in excrutiating pain bc of the tumor being so entangled into his nervous system. I think the angels put their wings around him....encased him in their love and just wouldn't let the pain reach his brain. I truly believe divine intervention took over with this child. I think towards the end when the pain should have just been intolerable to anyone they put him to sleep and left him sleep til God was ready for him. The hospice staff were amazed at him....his stamina....his zest for life. He wouldn't give up no matter what...until the end when his little body had said...."Enough".
If you ever think you've seen it all....if you've ever thought 'I can't take anymore'.......if you've ever begun to give up on life......think again. Scottie never gave up....never. He was the most brave of the brave. I loved him and was proud to call him my grandson.
To Scottie:
It's me baby....your 'cool' mommaw. I decided to play our song here for you. I miss you so much. I think of you daily....every day. I wanted you to know that you did raise me higher than ever. I rode your shoulders right to the brink of heaven and back. You are my true hero in every sense of the word. You were an inspiration to so many ppl. You are my precious one...you are my little angel.....I kiss your memory every night before I go to sleep....now I want you to kiss the stars for me....I want you to fly with the angels......leap the universe......and kiss the face of God...And now underneath the smiling moon I'm sending you back to 'sleep'.....I love you baby.....
Love,
Mommaw
Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-07-06 17:35:41 | Rating: | Views: 95
bless your heart K, I pray for you and your family. He sounds like such a beautiful angel and I'm sure it has more than a little bit to do with his gram. Bless you again K. these tears I shed tonight are for you and your loss, I wish I could hug you. sorry I'm rambling now so I'll go.
Awwwww Kaz..... I've got tears streaming down my face.... This was beautiful.
I too wish I could be there for you and give you a huge hug at the moment (fab 5).
I'm sure Scottie is looking down smiling at you all. He'll be there one day to hug you and kiss you and share a smile.
Continue to treasure Scottie and his memory every day, hold him close to your heart and love him in your own, special way, you alone know the true love you share with him.
I didn't know what to say to your post, I too had tears in my eyes. So moving and beautifully expressed, my *HUGS* to you
Thank you for sharing this child's story with me. For Scottie, who's story gives me strength, and courage for my own trials, God bless you, Little angel,and God bless your Mommaw
K, your baby Scottie hears you, and knows your love. He feels nothing but peace and love now...all the pain is gone. This post tugged at my heart to the point that I had to come back to leave my comment, because I couldn't stop crying when I first read it. God bless you my dear friend, and I pray that the Angels wrap their gentle wings around you and comfort you always!!! All my Luv!!
K, I lost a little sister to a brain tumor, when she barely turned 4, and I was 17. Her whole life from age 1, was in and out of the hospital, surgery, radiation, with radiation burns, and no hair. She never seemed to be in pain, she had no symptoms other than a weak hand, and a slight drag on one foot. She was basically a happy little girl. She loved Christmas, and sang 'jingle bells' a lot the last December she was home.
One thing, all she wanted to eat was cheerios,I remember her asking for that a lot. Because of that reminder, I have never bought cheerios for my family, ever.
She went back into hospital in a town two hours drive from home in January,soon after that Christmas. Went into a coma in March, and died two days after her 4th. birthday in June. I will never forget her.
When I painted a mural of Christ and the children,in the children's nursery at our church years ago, I dedicated it to her, and my brother who had died later, in an accident.
Your Scotty, and my little sister Gloria, are with God. They are perfect. I too believe that there is a merciful God,in that I never saw, or heard any complaint of pain from Gloria.
BTW, for those who will say, why did God allow a child to Die? It is God who made the waters, man who contaminated it with chemicals.
Water Wells contaminated with TSPs, 1990 Tucson Citizen.
Scottie was an angel, remember the balloons? He's looking down at you now and he smiles when you smile.
*hugs*
You'll be with him someday, but till then, he's up there playing with my pup, remember? :)
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