Thoughts.com Blogs - MY REASONS FOR LYING!

I just read a post on the 'popular list' and i left a comment on it that could (maybe) be taken as a little pissy or a bit defensive on my part. i don't think i was shitty but i was defensive and while reading it could feel myself getting hot and bothered over it and i don't mean sexy....i mean angry.

The post asked the question 'do women lie about domestic violence?'. i was amazed more at the fact that the post got a huge amount of hits and not one, not a single comment. well.....you know old SUPER K and her big mouth swearing to make a comment on all i read, sooooo i made a comment.

I felt an anger towards this person's attitude that women lie about whether they have been violated in some way by another. have i lied too? did my silence make me a liar? there were several times i would literally call the police and then stand there with blood dripping from my nose and a black eye and say nothing....NOTHING. did that make me a liar? maybe....but it wasn't bc i was a liar (as such), it was bc i was thinking about all the shit he fed me from the time i called and the time the boys in blue knocked on my door.......no one to pay the bills, no food on the table, no extra money when u need it, u will be alone, how will u raise 4 kids?, what happens the next time the car breaks down or something in the house needs fixed?....this man was on a roll everytime he beat me.... he had this speech memorized. he knew my buttons and how to push them.. mention the kids and i was done...mention the bills and i was done...bc i didn't know how i was going to do it, truth be known. i would have done anything and would have gone through anything to protect my children from suffering. i couldn't have taken them not eating or having the utilities turned off or not having a decent home to live in....just couldn't face it ....so i said nothing. a lie of omission??? yes, absolutely, but a lie it was.

  I also felt if i wasn't assholes wife then who was i? i was a NOTHING and who would want that plus 4 kids?no body, as he told me time after time again.

  I'm sure there are a few women that cry 'wolf' sometimes as sad and pathetic as that is but for the most part women who are in violent situations are trapped by things no one else could even imagine but her. it's her nightmare and she is the one that needs to wake up and until she does she is lost in this black pit of depression, pain, indecision, violence, anger and misery. more than once i wanted to wake up but could just not open my eyes. i thought 'this is better than the alternitive'. i felt like sleeping beauty and could not wake up for a hundred years (in my case 20). i still haven't been kissed by a prince but it's coming i think. when i did wake up i was older, miserably depressed, and thought my life was over....i had slept it away.

Through therapy i learned that life is what u make it and if i thought mine was over then most likely it was. if on the other hand i thought it was just a new chapter then it would continue. so maybe i did lie over the years about the abuse and violence by my staying and my silence at times, but it wasn't just a black and white issue, there is a lot of grey in there and now the colors are vibrant and bright. my reasons for 'lying' (if thats the way u look at it) were unselfish. would i do it again??? for my children i would walk through fire.....but......i would make use of a wonderful legal system that has been designed for spousal abuse and domestic violence. i would never spend a lifetime with an ass hole. thanks for hearing me out....K