Last nite I went to a crab feast....Tink had invited me and it sounded like fun. A couple weeks after my ticket was bought I found out the L was also going....WTF???? I had decided to not go....obviously! Why would I want to go and spend the evening with that loser???? I began to think that Tink was playing some sort of game with me....the who likes me more game.
     Yesterday Jen asked me to watch the boys for her while she did wedding cakes and so I thought I'd just take the boys and kill two birds with one stone. They'd be with me to give me a reason to leave......if needed and they'd also serve as a diversion....if needed. When I called to see how much it would cost for them to attend, Tink made the observation that I was probably using the boys as a distraction.....I told her yes and no...I was honest if nothing else. So off we went.....
  We get to the place and Tink has me sitting directly across from L.....now I'm really thinking WTF??? And giving her the WTF look too. I took a deep breath and sat the boys down, got them something to drink, and got them started on their crabs....I got them other food bc I know you can starve picking crabs. Jared ate one and wanted to go play....Riley on the other hand stuck with it. I taught him to pick crabs like my dad taught me. He sat there for a long long time and ate and ate. He was so cute and just the sweetness I needed considering who I had to look at everytime I lifted my head. I was so angry with Tink I could have spit lightning bolts. This 'witch' kept making remarks and Tink laughed at my expense til I almost cried. I could not believe she was behaving like this. I finally just went dead silent. Thats my shut down point. I thought....just get through the evening and then leave. The boys were having such a nice time and I couldn't just make them leave.....so I sucked it up and stayed.
  Tink must have noticed how quiet I had become and finally asked me why I was so quiet....'Nothing to say, I guess'.....is all I said. She left it go a few more minutes and I think she soon realized....'K has reached her limit'....and she was right. When L got up she told me she knows its not while I'm talking and texting her....I'm still communicating...It's when I don't talk and text....It's when I go dead silent that she knows my limit has been reached and I'm done. She was absolutely right. Thats been my way for a long time. I'll talk...I'll work things out....I'll argue my point....as long as I have any hope for a future with someone.....but when I go silent....when I just clam up and stop....thats when I'm done. I've reached my breaking point and I'm finished. It's a hard time for me but its my way of dealing with stuff. Even I have my limit....so after the entire fiasco of an evening I think I'm done.....I have no more desire to continue this charade of a friendship than the man in the moon. I'm not playing stupid games...I'm not going to 'compete' with someone for a friend....no way!!! I'm just finished....we can talk at work about work but I'm done with the silly shit. I'm done with the word games and silliness. I'm done being played for some kind of idiot.  
   Satan had told me that not too long ago....He said he knew I was going to leave him once and for all when I totally stopped talking and having any communication with him. He said he didn't think I would actually do it until I actually did it.
  I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. Ppl seem to want to push and push me bc I never do anything....I never say 'Enough!'. I always keep coming back for more bc I'm weak. I'm so weak. I need to say 'ENOUGH'....god, I deserve it. I freaking deserve better.