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i wrote so many blogs on this site today i should be blogged out. but alas i'm not. what i am is sad, depressed, lonely and just about every negative adjective know to man. it's been a day of strange occurences. i got sick at work and passed out cold. too bad i came around. dead would be good. dead would be permanent enough for me right now. so i'm thinking maybe all this sadness comes from just not feeling well and just being a mess. a friend that i know is extremely upset with me and hasn't tried to contact me and i've been trying to get a hold of him, but to no such luck. hes living life without that net. i was his net and i'm afraid i let him down. if anything happens to him i'll never forgive myself, never ever. if he reads this, then please know i am sorry i let you down. i'm sorry i let both of us down. it can be worked out, trust that i'll be there for you. just let me know you're ok. i doubt if he ever reads this. that was for my benefit mostly i guess. i need to have some kind of closure. i need the net not him. hes strong and able to conquer life and all that it throws at us. i'm the weak one. i'm the one that needs the net.
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