| View Blog
|
|
|
|
Well, its monday morning and here i sit with coffee in hand and half my ration of water. i'm officially down to 126lbs. and leveling off. i'm done losing bc i don't want to look anorexic just unbelievably HOT. LOL i feel so good about things right now. strong, proud, confident, i feel like a woman of worth, yeah, a real woman of worth. now i think i can take on all the ass holes of the world (maybe not ALL of them but at least some).
at work saturday they played the "what age do u think i am game?", a lethal version. why do people set themselves up like that? man, don't do that if ur going to get all pissed and shitty about the answers u get. i personally don't tell people shit about my age. i don't like it and i make no bones about that fact. i've wasted so much of my life and it pains me greatly to think of that. i wish this life was a dress rehearsal for the next one. that we got two chances at it. i supose if we believe in reincarnation then we'd be good to go. me? i'm not sure about it, but would love some proof of it.
any how, there we were outside (it was fabulous out) and there were about 8 of us with others popping in and out when they heard us laughing and joking. we've had several new people come to work there and basically thats how the whole thing got started. i sat there with ice water in hand taking it in as usual, thinking "fools". but two ladies (new hires) were particularly into this 'game', karen and barb (yeah, there are a few karens where i work). they gave me a nod and asked me the 'question'. everyone just looked at me bc i hadn't said anything to this point. i explained i didn't like answering that type of question bc someone always got pissed at the answers. my friend finally gave them an answer. WTF? was the look on their faces. it was priceless and i was glad i wasn't the one saying it, but i sure as hell thought it. don't ask it if u don't want the shit u will get back. dumb asses!
now barb is about 5'6'' a little taller than me so i'm only assuming. karen is about the same i supose. barb is pudgey for sure and karen not so much.
but both are grey, very grey. one has a skin condition and one is wrinkled pretty good. now, if anyone would see either of them u would assume they are in there late 50s early 60s at the very least. i did and i don't judge, but when ur asked then u start to calculate in ur head whether u want to or not. INSULTED? OMG they were pissed beyond pissed. i'm sitting there just smiling to myself, 'why would anyone in their right mind put themselves in that position?' dangerous, very dangerous. these women were in actuality younger than me! i almost choked on my drink but said absolutely nada. no way!
then they started on me! 'please do not screw with me!' don't like when people stick their noses in my life for any reason unless i put it out there and at work I DON'T. i asked them to 'please leave me out'. but noooooooo. my friend, who has a mouth equivalent to tinkerbells finally said 'ok'. if looks could kill mine to her would have sent her on a long walk over a very, very short cliff. 'man, this seems like a very long break today' is what i was thinking. they finally gave a number and i did a double take. my face flushed three shades of red and two shades of pink i'm sure. it was a very nice number. i just slowly got up and with a nice grin on my face and a wink to my friend and left. they both just stood there with a lot of egg on their face and said nothing. i felt pretty good for the rest of the day.
i won't tell my age to anyone. those chosen few that do know i hope will take it to their grave. i don't like the aging process at all and i know i'm told constantly that its just a number. i'm lucky i have good genes running through my blood and i'm lucky i've taken good enough care of my body and mind that i come across as not my age, but man do i wish i could go back in time and do it over. go back and know what i know now and just make different choices. my life right now would be so different and so much better. but i cannot. i can only go forward learn from my mistakes and promise myself to try harder and do better. there is nothing else to do. that was an assignment from my therapist a couple weeks ago. to think about was has already been and think how i would change it if indeed i could. would i still have gotten mixed up with the dreaded ex? i wouldn't have my kids or grandkids. that thought alone made me sad beyond belief. so yeah, i would do what ever i had to do to get my kids. they are my lifeline and my grandkids are my life. couldn't do with out them. i grew up way too soon due to circumstances i didn't want and then when i was grown up found myself not liking it very much. now, i just want to live and be happy. i've accepted all that life has thrown at me and dealt with it and will continue to deal with shit everyday. i am ok, i am good, i am strong, i am happy within myself. i can see the rose in the vase and not the dust on the table.
k
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-04-14 09:51:30 | Rating: | Views: 65
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
Hopefully one day i can get to where you are and be strong! Keep it up
xx
|
|
Posted by LMarie
on 2008-04-14 10:53:19
|
|
|
|
|
Great post kiddo! My favorite line is "I am ok, I am strong, and I am happy within myself"...Great words to live by. I for one am very proud of you. You go girl!
|
|
Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-04-14 11:16:36
|
|
|
|
lmarie,
i feel u so much right this minute it is like de ja vu. i read ur post honey, and believe me i know from where u r coming. just ask anyone on my friends list and they'll tell u. please believe that u will make it through this. at ur lowest points u r the strongest. u r a woman of worth and no one can take that from u even thoughright now u can't see that. others can see things that u can't and u need to use that strength from others to reinforce ur own until u can do it on ur own. please keep me in mind when u need someone. i see ur profile is private and i don't want to tread where i shouldn't but i would like to add u to my friends list and talk with u sometime. please don't give up on u. believe like u've never believed before. dream high girl. smile
k
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-04-14 11:42:35
|
|
|
|
pitapie
hey baby, yeah, i'm feeling my oats right about now.-smile- some people don't know who they're messing with anymore... long time getting here but what an incredible feeling. smile love u k
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-04-14 11:45:39
|
|
|
|
I see that you have found your own motto :) I am so happy for you. Stay on the path,be strong and if you need a lifeline we are here for you.
One Love
|
|
Posted by Nubian
on 2008-04-14 19:58:00
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
