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| JUST ONCE.....FOR ONLY ME!
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I've been in such a low mood for so long. I don't even know when it started. Is it depression? Is it just part of coming undone from a long assed marriage? Had Satan given me one smack upside the head too often? I don't know anymore....all I know is I'm sad. I went out last nite with a friend and we had a few drinks and just talked. We both are recently separated and/or divorced. Shes younger than me but we seem to have so much in common.
I told her I've been in such a lonely place. I believe I am in mourning for what will never be. Those things I wanted in life and waited til it was too late...and now will never have. Will i always be with someone who says he loves me but if the truth be known....in my heart of hearts....I know its not true. When someone loves you it doesn't hurt so much. Its a feeling like nothing ever. I want to feel special all the time, not just sometimes. Maybe I'm being unrealistic. I most likely am. I'm lonely....the one thing I never wanted to be. I can handle anything....ANYTHING! I can't handle this...I'm not doing well at all. I sometimes just want to die bc I'm afraid I never will never have what I want in life. I will always be on the outside looking in...always. I want for once to feel the warmth of the man I love. Just once.
I do have a friend that can make me feel so alive....God! He can make me feel like the world has stopped. He is such a huge part of my life right now. I used to talk to him every day by phone...but for the last several weeks...its rare. I'm afraid to come out and ask....'Whats wrong?' bc I think I already know the answer. I miss his voice, his laughter, his stupid jokes (they are so lame at times), and his loving words. I understand we have different lives. He is so special to me and he says I am to him also. I've waited for so long to hear the words he has spoken to me but right now we're going through another stage and I'm not sure just what it is. Will I never be touched by his hands? Will I never feel his lips on mine? Feel his heart beating next to mine? Its scary to say the least. Why does love have to be so difficult? Why, just once in my life can't something be just what it is....? I just want to pick up the phone and hear his voice say...I love you! Just once..... I love this person....and when he reads this maybe he'll know just how much.
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-07-11 18:13:07 | Rating: | Views: 71
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nice post
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Posted by lostarm
on 2008-07-11 19:17:59
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Good things will happen when you wish for them.
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Posted by phantom
on 2008-07-11 19:21:47
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Kaz,
I believe we just have to ride it out, but in saying that, I think we need to change seats each time we get to the start of it. Eventually it will be the seat that hot guy sits next to us in.
HUGS,
K. xxxx
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-12 08:06:30
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Never is a door that stands open
In the next room, Fredom and happiness await.
Say Never's mantra often enough and it'll surely close on you, blocking your way, keeping you for itself.
Never is a jealous lover, think hard before you fall into his arms.
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Posted by tantrictouch
on 2008-07-13 00:08:27
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It will happen for you. very good post-- i could feel your anguish as I read it.
I have felt like this off and on in life, even while being single, married, divorce, and then **wham8* it happened when I least expected it. it will happen for you, I am confident of that.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-13 12:48:37
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from a male point of view read some of my blogs ,i think they will cheer you up
and remember that things happend for a reason which im sure you heard over and over ...im here to say be patience
and watch and you will see some changes
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Posted by good_news
on 2008-07-14 19:12:11
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Sweetie, God has given you this time to heal... use it. Doors of opportunity to discover things about yourself and what you truly need are there for you now. Look at them as freedom to discover, and to be discovered. You are such a beautiful person. When the right man crosses your path, you both will know it. It will happen.
Much luv to U!
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-07-14 22:51:42
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