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| JUST A GENERIC BITCH SESSION...give me a break!
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Just a bitching away at life in general seems the way to go this morning. I'm not in the greatest of moods and have been listening to others on the TV and radio promise this and promise that and just go on and on about crap that is bullshit. I'm beginning to be a people hater and seem to be enjoying the hell out of it. Whats wrong with this picture? I've complained for so long that saying something nice anymore seems to be out of character. I don't know who or what I am anymore. I actually made notes this morning of things I've heard that I thought were stupid. I looked like I was writing a speech or something, so I'll give you a little take on life, as I see it.
If I am what everyone says, which is middle aged. Then by definition I'll live to be 100. My belief is if the good die young, then I've got a pretty good shot at living forever! Live fast die young, and better to burn out than fade away. Just didn't work out for me. Now in my 'prime' I've shot past any decent chance of being a good-looking corpse. Between the marriages, divorces, kids, grandkids, and diet failures death has so far eluded me. I know, I know just sue me. I grew up in the sixties and the catch phrase of my teen years was 'Never trust anyone over 30'. I'm a little out of touch with what catch phrase teens today use.
First of all, never trust any one over the age of 80, especially when it comes to directions. The old school house they just told you to turn left at is not there anymore. It was torn down during World War I. Also bear in mind that people with alzheimers are blissfully unaware they have the disease. Thats worse case scenario. Milder forms of forgetfullness start at age 31. So again don't trust anyone over age 30. Not so much for the forgetful behavior they are just starting to aquire, like forgetting to repay that money you loaned them. But these whipper-snappers will take your job, health, money, and income tax return. We call these people our children.
Next in this long list of helpful hints from a middle ager. Don't buy into scams. I know! Once after reading the cover of a slimfast candy bar box which promised to help me lose weight faster I ate the whole box in the belief I could speed up their fast process. I'll have you know I didn't lose even 1#, so buyer beware-scam alert. Also don't fall for schemes that only promise half the enchilada. A good example would be donations sent to lung, kidney, heart, diabetes, or ulcer disease foundations. Hold out for the real deal. Soon as someone starts working on the whole enchilada, which is a cure for death, expect my check pronto. Otherwise its just a crap shoot. Think of how foolish you'll look at St. Peter's gate if all your life you donated to the spleen foundation then you die from acid-reflux or a viagra overdose.
Also, do not believe for love nor money or that you can ever restore lost vitality, vigor, sexual drive, or hair. Face it if you're going bald then just go with it. If you could buy back your hair then don't you believe that Donald Trump (one of our nations wealthiest men)would have hair like Cousin It, from the "Adams Family"? Much better to save your money for a tattoo of a comb over on top of your shiny head. If you've lost that old sex drive then there is always Bingo. If you lose vitality or vigor, then the old ways are the best. Take an afternnon nap, and wake up tommorow morning. Do this for a month and viola! Vitality is restored. Should be part of a benifits package at work. Call your insurance provider to see if it's offered at your job. If not,then just do it anyway. Lets call it like it is. We pretend to give them an honest days work, they pretend to give us an honest days wage.
So in conclusion if you happen to be so unfortunate to have lived till middle age, my advice is to relax and enjoy the ride. Spend the childrens inheritance as if, they were not going to live past age 30. Learn skills that will help you be a popular old fart, like shuffleboard, bingo, hearts, slot machines, snorting viagra. If you've already wasted your money and paid for your childs college. Consider becoming a burden to them. True you are so proud that your special little child graduated with a 4.0 average, and is now manager of the McDonalds where he worked during high-school. Remember that the high school student working there today refers to your little protege' as a "Dill-Weed". Matter of fact we all do. I hope you've enjoyed my ramblings and I appreciate you allowing me to vent this morning...I so freaking needed it....as easytosay says.....OVER AND OUT!!!!!!!
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-10-07 11:33:52 | Rating: | Views: 91
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This was highly hysterical :)
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-10-07 12:20:46
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If I had let it rip...believe me it wouldn't have been. I needed to use some humor just to keep myself from going off the deep end this morning. Thanks, and I'm glad you enjoyed it...:)
K
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-07 12:31:32
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That was really funny! I loved it. Hope you are feeling better.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-10-07 12:55:36
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I'm in such a rancid mood today....I have fangs protruding! All better stay away from Super K...LOL
K
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-07 13:00:59
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ROFLMAO!!! This was great..... I so need some humor today..... let it rip.....so to speak!!
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Posted by selfcentered
on 2008-10-07 13:35:55
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Allright K--What's the deal here??? "I'm" the funnyman.
Are you lobbying for my position here or what? :-)
Seriously, that was really funny---Good job!!! You got me
thinking about the Slim Fas diet...I used to do that one.
Ya, I used to drink a shake in the AM, one in the afternoon,
but by dinnertime I was "so" hungry, my "sensible" meal
wound up being at an All You Can Eat Buffet.
Oh, and I have good news for you---There is a new diet out now
for people over 50---It's called --"The Colonoscopy"...
You drink this discusting liquid for 24hrs, Shit your brains out,
and the next day--you've lost between 5-10lbs. Guaranteed---
Great post K--LOL---
funnyman
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Posted by funnyman57
on 2008-10-07 14:22:09
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SC
I'm so off today and just plain pissy...WTF? Glad you enjoyed my rant...:)
FM
No, I'm not lobbying for your job...I have no desire to be a standup...Just needed some steam to be let off and after watching some stupid crap on tv decided to just let it out...I loved your slim fast diet though and sadly enough have also had the 'over 50' one too....BLAH!!! Thanks for making me smile!!! I'm a tough sell today!
K
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-07 15:00:49
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Once again Super-K has been exposed to her weakness! the readiation of the element known as Kraptonight!
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Posted by Long
on 2008-10-08 04:02:13
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OMG...Long, You do know me so well!!! LOL Is Kraptonight otherwise known as bullshit????
SK
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-08 13:30:07
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Bullshit is indeed a lesser isotope of Kraptonight.
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Posted by Long
on 2008-10-08 17:29:25
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Long
LMAO....:)
K
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-08 17:46:49
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My favorite blogs are rants :-) How ARE you, Lastblast!? I've missed you and hope you are doing better today! Can't wait to catch up! xxx
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Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-10-08 22:19:26
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Good rant!
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Posted by KarKar
on 2008-10-09 18:46:20
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Ellie
OMG...I'm almost in tears...(from a couple things) but wow! I hope we can catch up...and I hope you are great!! I've missed you so!
KK
Thanks....just me being a bitch!!!
SK
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-10-10 16:02:52
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