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days ago i had left thoughts.com because of personal shit going on that isn't even important to me anymore. i don't care, just don't. it takes more energy to hold on to shit than to just deal with it and let it go. in the last 2 weeks i have lost 9 1/2 lbs (no shit) because of stuff going on. however when a friend of mine is berated and accused of shit, i don't and won't take that lying down. i will and have taken so much crap in my life but i will come back like a mama bear when someone i love is attacked. tinkerbell has been there for me so much since i started at my job. she is my rock and has been my protecter in some aspects. she didn't mean to set off any sort of tornado here and i commend her for doing what she did and setting things in motion that got me back here. she did come off rather strong though and it was just that she has seen me in the last several months with split lips and unexplainable bruises and a few weeks ago with the black eye and then when i told her i was leaving the site and she saw how devestated and sad i was it was so like her to take the bull by the horns. i had spoken so often about this site and everyday i would mention someone here whether it be bullseyes poetry, or hollis and her baby photos, or my new friend tatertot. there was no illwill meant and i didn't read the rules that said personal friends weren't allowed. i hope she will remain and keep writing such wonderful things about me. (sigh) who else has a personal guardian right here on site that just sings their praises? hell, who wouldn't want one? i don't care what people say here anymore. i'm so over it. i just want to be able to write about my personal trials and tribulations and get some much needed advice. maybe i'll do what some suggested and just have my blogs for friends and me. whatever i do i'm going to be fine. i blew off a lot of steam earlier and god do i feel better. i've been so full of anger and misery that i have totally lost what i am and who i am. i don't need a man to complete myself. i am complete as i am. any one would be lucky to have me and i need to remember that. these last days at my daughters have been spent in deep soul searching and wondering whether i even wanted to continue on this earth. is this world better off with me or without me? i don't know and i don't care. what i do know is that the world is stuck with me for however long i have left. i am going to my friends for a week and jen (my daughter) is lending me her laptop (with a threat of personal physical harm should anything happen to it) so i can continue posting and keeping track of whats going on. so while there are some here that may have egg on their face because now u have two of us, i just want to be left alone and be me. i want to read and blog, thats it. i would like to make new friends and keep the old. if any of them want to believe my friend and i are one and the same then go ahead. paranoia (spelling may be wrong) is contagious. and tinkerbell sorry i told everyone ur really not 20 (shes 35). peace and harmony
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-03-28 18:00:00 | Rating: | Views: 110
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thank u greenersky its damn good to be back and feel better. funny how anger can make u do things u would never do. i had no intentions of ever coming back her at all but no one disses my friends, no one. good to have u on my list. thanks.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-28 19:19:35
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thank u so much. i needed to do that for so long. get tired of being the original doormat for the world.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-28 20:33:27
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Glad your back!
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-03-28 23:57:00
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I love your friend tinkerbell. SHe is so up front about how hurt she was about you leaving...Thank you for telling me who she is..I have stopped by her blogs and I give her a high five for taking a stand for you.......
I love you girl. Thanks for coming back and YOU STILL ROCK....
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Posted by Hollis
on 2008-03-29 00:41:57
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prelude2, thanks for the support. the lesson here? never piss off a woman in the midst of a divorce.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-29 15:14:33
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hollis, isn't she a trip? u should work with her. we laugh like 2 idiots some time. i swear shes nuttier than me. she wants so much for me it makes my head hurt. she has seen my face light up at the sight of a stupid text and seen me go to pieces over some. its hard for someone that cares for u to see ur life get flipped back and forth. when i had that terrible black eye i had to practically hog tie her into not killing the spouse with her bare hands. and this last episode was almost too much and i forgot i didn't tell her (i just could'nt)and she read it here. it broke my heart she had to read i was raped on line. i never want to see that kind of pain in her eyes again. she was as devestated as i was. she is my dearest friend. i know she'll cry when she reads this. she is such a wiener.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-29 15:21:36
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Yeah!!!!!!! my sis is back doing the happy dance now.... OK I am done nope I am really not. I am so glad that you are back.
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Posted by Nubian
on 2008-03-30 17:25:02
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nibian, i just get so mad when someone tries to hurt someone i love as much as her. i screwed up, not her. i made a mistake, not her. i won't let anyone beat up on her.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-30 20:34:09
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hey..
i'm really glad to see you've got a network going...that's important...
:o)
continued good luck...
cheers!!!
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Posted by badlydrawnstickman
on 2008-03-30 21:49:00
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stickman, good to hear from u again. thanks for being so supportive. means a alot.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-31 04:11:56
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Welcome back and I hope that things pick up for you soon.
Post what you want and show whomever you wish
Best of luck
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Posted by KP
on 2008-03-31 10:01:51
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kp, its so good to see ur sweet angel here. thanks sweetie.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-31 12:30:45
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I have been a bit out of the loop lately, but I was horrified to read what has been going on with you. It made me sick to my stomach!!!
I am soooo happy you came back. DO NOT EVER let anyone run you off! You are an incredible lady, one of great strength, killer humor, and a beautiful heart. You have the right to do whatever you want!! Write whatever you want!! If someone does not like it, that is NOT YOUR problem. Hold your head up HIGH. You walked the high road!! God Bless you!
I booked marked you as well! :)
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Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-04-05 01:45:56
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keepdreaming, i love ur name. my head wasn't held sohigh for a long time. i could skin my chin on the pavement it was so long but it is slowly working its way back up. i'm still not 100% sure of this site yet either. still a little nervous and on the edge but i am getting better there too. time will tell. thank u
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-04-05 20:53:23
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