I wish I were different. I wish I could be a stronger person. I wish I could be there for everyone that needed me but I can't. I'm one person with a lot on my own plate right now. I wish I weren't so disappointed in life and I wish I weren't such a big disappointment to those I care about. I try so hard to do whats right, to do the best for all and I just can't get it together. I am always making someone feel like I wasn't there when they needed me. I want to yell....'What the fuck about me?'     
I'm sick of this thing called 'my life'. I want to just call it a day sometimes and give up. If I'm not 'there' don't you ever think there is a reason behind it? Have I ever not done the right thing? Said the right thing? Let you have the last word? Don't I deserve the benefit of the doubt for once? You bitch and moan that I left you down. Show me when that was....please!  I am the original Doubting Thomas. I need proof when I did that! I have spent days on end listening to you and being there for you. I have expected so little that I almost expect nothing. I have been your friend, confidante, shrink, and nose wiper. What did I ask in return? Not a damn thing!!!! 
   If wishes were dreams I would wish for a happy life for you. I would wish for less drama in my own life. I would wish for a friend for me like I have been for you. I would wish for more smiles and less tears....more good times than bad......more good memories than sad ones.....more tolerance....compassion....kindness...forgiveness.....and above all loyalty. I'm stretched 6 ways from adam and I can't give anymore. I'm just about all used up emotionally. If I don't give the correct answer in the correct time then I supose I'm a bad friend? I get hurt too. I feel pain too. I get tired too. What do you think I am....some kind of freaking robot that never winds down and stops? I have my limits too and I've reached them. 
   So if wishes were dreams....I'd wish for understanding. I'd wish for love. I'd wish for times to be gentler to me. I'd wish for..........nothing. Just another stupid post that means nothing to anyone but me.....I HATE THIS PLACE LATELY.