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| I HATE THAT WOMAN SO BAD!
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MONDAY morning and i'm here with my coffee reading the blogs again. don't have much feeling though. the usual anticipation is not here. the usual wonderment of whats going on in others lives is not here. just going through the motions. tabasco sauce knows somethings amiss. hes a smart cookie. he just looks at me with those big eyes and wants to make it better. this morning i got awakened by a text from a friend and after i took care of the text went looking for tabasco. couldn't find him anywhere. i thought i may have laid on him and killed him. panic settled itself into my stomach. where a u baby? please don't do this now. not today. no movement anywhere on or under my covers. a friend just lost a beloved pet and all i could think of was that i wasn't as "there" for him as i needed to be. i felt ashamed and now here i couldn't find my precious little guy. oh, wait what was that? he was under my quilt and wayyyyyyyy down under the covers. down by my feet. i smiled because i didn't want to lose anything else. and to my friend, i'm sorry i wasn't there for u like i should've been. i feel so bad for ur pain. i'm there for u always. just click, text, or dial and i'm there always. 
A WONDERFUL WORLD is playing on my cd and it is ironic. it doesn't feel like a wonderful world. all one has to do is read the blogs, newspaper, or listen to the daily shit on tv. whats so good about any of it? shit happens all the time, every day. people getting hurt, loved ones are taken away, bad people are left on this earth, innocence being ripped from us. the world is a very ugly place to some of us. a very ugly place. not the flowery place it is for others, not that i'm wishing bad on those people. not at all. god bless them. jealous? sure, why not? i'd be less than honest if i said otherwise! my head hurts so bad, my eyes are swollen, and my heart aches so terribly. i feel like i should be crumbling up and withering away. i've got this knot in my chest and a sick feeling in my stomach that just seems to be growing. if this is life, then i don't want it anymore. i hate what mine has become. i hate waking up anymore hoping for just a glimpse of something nice and kind. i detest what has been laid before me. i don't care for any of it. most of all i abhor what i've let my life become and what i have become in the process. i see that picture of me on my blog and want to rip her eyes out and beat the shit out of her. i want to slap her and shake her and scream at her and ask her "what the fuck is she is doing?" i want to just mess her up so bad and bitch slap the crap out of her. who does she think she is that she can fuck with me like this? i hate that woman so bad. get a grip karen. it's YOU.
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-03-24 10:15:58 | Rating: | Views: 137
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yeah, really bullseye. maybe we need new photos, huh? we can use these to take potshots at. thanks hon!
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-24 10:30:36
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I can feel so too sometimes.
Forward all when this is monday morning when man is monday tired.
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Posted by Ottehey
on 2008-03-24 10:55:12
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thank u ottehey. i think most of us r just too hard on ourselves and some not enough. i just want to shake me sometimes and tell myself to get with the program.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-24 12:54:36
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Use the anger as forward movement. Anger can propel us into making changes we are sick and tired of. Anger moves me, fear can paralyze me...which makes me pissed after a while and then, I move! So glad you can journal about your inner thoughts. Best of luck. XXX
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Posted by Ellie2008
on 2008-03-24 16:30:33
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I just let anger overwhelm me sometimes and then I cry to release it. Then I look at my children, my friends and think I have great people around me, that makes me think I must be great inside somewhere and then I push through.... sure anger catches up (each time FOTY intrudes on my life) but each time I grow stronger, I don't cry as much I don't mourn what I don't have..... now I am trying to grow... once I've paid the bastard off I'll be happier - wish we had alimony here in Aus!!! Sorry didn't mean to hijack your blog :)
Just love being back here with you guys!
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-03-24 21:23:30
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ellie, and coloradodreamin. things are ok now.
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-03-25 00:26:12
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