| View Blog
|
|
|
I did an earlier post about not giving a shit anymore and since then I have fallen even lower. I am so down for the count I don't even know if I want to get up anymore. Things are falling apart all around me and I don't know how to keep them together or if I even want to try. It feels like for longer than I can remember all I've done is fight for what I want in life. I've worked my ass off to get anywhere and I have rarely ever asked for help. I am one of those old fashioned ppl that believes you work for what you want in life. You don't depend on others to give you 'hand outs'. Those that sit around and whine 'poor me' and do nothing deserve what they get. But it would seem that in my life lately some ppl fall in a bucket of shit and come up smelling like a rose and others like me come up smelling like shit. Is there no justice in this miserable world? Is that the way the ball bounces? The weak get preyed upon and the strong get the goods!
I have heard that I'm 'not there' when I'm needed. I'm not the person they thought I was. I'm distracted lately and dismissive to their plight. Let be tell you....they ain't seen dismissive til they get a load of whats coming. I'll show them distracted....I'll show them how 'not there' I can really be. It takes a lot to piss me off. I can take it. I can handle others disapproval of me. What I can't take and won't take is the fact that when I have personal issues of my own...when I have troubles that are drowning me.....when I need someone and I get a bunch of shit or I get 'NOTHING'....then we got a problem houston.
I hate beginning over and over, trying to be 'someone'. Whats the use of starting again only to be knocked back time after time? I'm scared, confused, angry, and majorly fed up. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I hate things right now. I need an ear, a shoulder, a friend. I don't know why I even post this stupid shit. Someone once told me its like therapy to write it out. Its a way of purging ur soul. I sit here crying like a stupid idiot over past things, present issues, and future maybes. I hate being weak and being typical female. I started writing and the tears had minds of their own. They came uninvited. They came in droves. They won't stop. They are pissing me off. I hate crying. It shows I have no back bone. I need to be in control right now. I need to have my mind clear. I don't need bad kharma. I certainly don't need anyone telling me how I'm not there for their needs. I AM THERE FOR EVERYONE THAT NEEDS ME. I'm just a little bit off kilter right now. I have things in my own personal life that are pressing on me. If you just give me a little bit of time....just a little, I'll try and straighten them out...sort things....and I'll be there. Just need a bit of time for myself here. You see....I'm Super K and right now I don't feel very Super. I need a Super K of my own. |
|
Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-07-18 21:36:58 | Rating: | Views: 82
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Most of us are not in any position to give you advice and I am surely no exception,yet a few things stand out and some awareness may help. You are stuck deep in a mud hole. The perspective in that hole is , well, bad to say the least. All you see are the dark sides of the hole,yet those of us above the hole see things very differently than you do now and how alone you must feel down there. Since you are not very fond of yourself at the moment it is likely not the best time to look to another to help you feel better. The good news is that you can pull yourself out of that hole a little at a time by giving of yourself and this is important.....without expecting anything in return...nothing so much as a thank you...just pure giving for the sake of doing good for another. you see that person may also be looking for a way out of their own hole. The purity of giving without expectation from the receiver is in itself an act of selflessness which will give you the grip you need to rise above the hole to a new perspective. How? Salvation Army volunteer,working with disadvantaged kids as a volunteer tutoring or as a big brother or sister. Help feed the homeless. Visiting elders in a nursing home where no one visits them in the sunset of their lives. Your acts of giving will help you find clearity. Pay attention and observe and be hopeful. Your answers will come.
|
|
Posted by geminga
on 2008-07-18 22:11:47
|
|
|
|
LB- we all have our limits to what we can take.....you are always there for everyone else but maybe now more than ever you need to be there for you.....hope that sounded how I meant it? You need to look after you, take your own time out to just to "be".
Releasing your emotions is not a sign of weakness, it's being human. Otherwise they eat at us from the inside, and eventually you feel worse than before.
My *hugs* to you :)
|
|
Posted by Kaybee
on 2008-07-18 23:20:04
|
|
|
|
Its a heavy load of shit on your shoulders for sure, and Im right there with ya. I think we both need to work on being more receptive and able to accept help. I think we both have some sort of stink or quirk that makes ppl think we have a sign flashing "No thanks. Don't bother with me. I will do it myself." And, so they keep walking away and sitting at a different table.
You started sounding like a massive load of water was sitting overhead and making it impossible to breathe....but you got a lil stronger near the end. Head above water.
|
|
Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-07-18 23:45:52
|
|
|
|
|
To the above three....thanks for the kind words. These posts were about so many ppl in my life right now. People that seem to just want more and more and never want to give me a break. I believe one person could pick me up right now...and I don't know if they will. I just want to tell the world to stop and let me off.
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-19 16:36:19
|
|
|
|
Honey, you don't want the world to stop and let you off. You just need a bigtime break from the hassles you are getting. I was told by a very wise woman once, that every rough road we travel makes us stronger and wiser, and we should try to find a lesson in every trial we must suffer. That advice has helped me get through some of the most difficult times in my life, and it is helping me now, as I must watch my precious father die of cancer.
I know it seems impossible to pick yourself up at times and find ways to move ahead, but your life has many, many more wonderful surprises instore for you. Watch for those open doors..don't be afraid to go through them. Life is full of unexpected surprises.
Luv U Hun!
|
|
Posted by keepdreaming
on 2008-07-20 22:09:09
|
|
|
|
KD
I feel so stupid...My issues are nothing compared to yours right now. Please forgive my insensitivity. My prayers are with you...email to follow!
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-21 09:21:35
|
|
|
|
|
I really hope that things get better for you. I believe that friendships are two way streets and each of you gives at some point. I hope you get what you need.
|
|
Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-21 16:37:30
|
|
|
|
Prelude
Things are better...I have some tough things personally to deal with right now but I'll get through them....My friends???? I'm finding out who are true and who are not....sad to say...thank you.
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-22 14:15:14
|
|
|
|
|
Reading your post I started to get angry, because I could have written the same thing for people I know. But you mentioned weak?? your not weak in fact your the strong one... who is weak will need of others to live and to survive al the days of thier life. Who is strong will know how to survive and will stop to help thos that are weak. That is you, that is what you have done and I am sure when this storm passes you will continue to do so. I have read alot of your comments on blogs and I agree you are a super K, but even a super person needs a release. You have found that here i think. And if you ever need a shoulder or an ear, I have been blessed with big shoulders and a good ear or two. I may not have any answers, but I can help you find the answers. Be at peace, you are a good person. Believe in that and never stray from your self, once you stray from who you are, you can get lost.
|
|
Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-07-22 14:37:02
|
|
|
|
|
douglasmb, thanks for the comment. i needed to hear those words. it would seem that some just feel this 'need' to keep taking and taking and never letting up. i'm always there for whoever needs me. i never turn anyone away bc i know what that feels like....to think no one cares. its a lonely, horrible, dark place. i believe sometimes i just need to take a step back and realize that i'm just one person. i've always put myself on the back burner and eventually forgot that i was even there. thank you for helping me to remember myself so i don't get lost. i may take you up on that shoulder someday. til then good luck in your own life. SK
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-22 17:56:01
|
|
|
|
|
No problem I am glad I could help if even in a small way.
|
|
Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-07-23 11:16:10
|
|
|
|
|
How come a nice fella like you isn't hitched???? There must be some nice girl hanging on your every word...SK
|
|
Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-23 16:47:22
|
|
|
|
|
|
