Thoughts.com Blogs - DO I LOOK ANY DIFFERENT? LOOK HARD!

OK, do i look any different??? take a good look now! don't see anything any different?? shit! i'm a pennsyvanian now, and not a marylander. i did it. i'm gone and for good. the last couple weeks and the last couple days have been the most terrible of my life. i've been talking to a friend for the past 30 min. or so on the computer to gear up my new diggs and they helped me get a new email account and new web page and just has been helping me with this damn computer. i'll never get this thing but i don't give a shit. i have my own room (actually the former toy room) and my computer is here and i can come and go as i please and tonight i just bet i'll eat a good dinner and sleep peacefully. maybe i'll get back to those good old dreams i was having. riley and jared are so excited to see me here. they are doing the dance. what dance u may ask? why the happy dance. riley just came in and said "look i'm dancing ur dance grandma" and he did it so well. all is finally well with lastblastkl (aka karen). tabasco isn't too sure of his new buddies though. they're giants and he is sooooo tiny. i'll just put his tee shirt on that says "muy macho". that'll scare them off. hes happy. the grandsons are happy. my daughter is relieved. and me? i'm fine. i'm really fine. i'm breathing again. while we were disconnecting the computer and putting my things in the jeep and her van i wasn't breathing i don't think. i was just waiting for him to come in the back door and just go off. but he didn't. i'm sure hes home by now, but he won't even miss me for a couple days until he may notice my jeep isn't there. he'll just think i'm babysitting and staying overnight again. by wednesday when he knows i am suposed to go to work he'll become suspicious. by then i'll have my exparte order and i'll have the law on my side. i know it's just a piece of paper and it can't protect me but it's something and its more than i had yesterday. i think i'll be fine. it's going to take time and some hard work to get my "self" back. i'm going to go to the shelter for counseling so this never happens again and i'll be strong enough to say "no" and "no more". i'll never let another man tell me what i'm going to do or when. never let another one tell me what i'm thinking or how to act. hell, i just thought........i may become a real bitch. then what am i going to do? i like me being karen, being just me. others like me too like that. i'll just be the new and improved version. lol oh that sounds good "laughing out loud". and i'm sitting here in my tiny room and smiling a beautiful smile. aren't u all smiling just reading this? i'll bet i've put smiles on a lot of faces today. i also know i've put some worry lines on them too and i apologize sincerely for that. i truly do. but ur next ones won't be from me. i promise. my posts will most likely become boring and mundane. i'll try to keep up with everyone but boring and mundane is fine with me for right now. don't u think? i deserve a well earned vacation from hellish writing and shit. ahhhhh a vacation? sounds so peaceful and inviting. maybe i will go away for a couple days on my own. i got a pretty good pay check coming up and it's off season. may be i just will. cheap flights just sent me an email about some really cheap places to go and i just might. so right now the biggest thing on my mind is where do i go? any suggestions??? peace and harmony friends