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| DEAR GOD, IF YOU'RE LISTENING... I'M SCARED.....
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OK, I went to the doctor last week after feeling bad for several days. I hate the doctor and avoid them at all cost. They tell me things I don't like and make me do things I don't want to do and are always sticking me with those damn needles.
So....she had already put me on meds for an infection, or what we thought was an infection. Seems now it may not be after all. She ordered a shit load of blood work (after they stuck me 7 times and couldn't get crap). I finally went and had the tests done. Don't know or want to know what they say. Ignorance is bliss they say. I believe what I don't know can't hurt me. I turn a blind eye to this kind of stuff. I know thats not true but I can dream, can't I?
Today at work though, scared the bejesus out of me. I've been tired lately and not just the normal tired, but exhausted tired. I just haven't been myself for a while. I had been working hard all day and went to go into another room and it hit me....the worse pain I have ever had. I fell against the cart and almost knocked over a rack. It subsided....I went about my job and a few minutes later....it hit again. This time i hit the floor....i couldn't stand up. I thought of calling for someone but decided i could deal with this 'whatever' myself. I started breathing like i was in labor....in through the nose and out through the mouth.....slow, deep, cleansing breaths. When it finally went away I was elated. I stood up and looked to make sure no one saw me and no one did....thank god. I was fine for a while and had some minor pain but nothing like i had just experienced so i was ok.
Later Tinkerbell came into the kitchen and we began talking. I never mentioned the attack to her. Things with her and James are not working out and she just needed to talk to a friend. I was leaning on the counter when it hit me again. I could feel the sweat on my forehead and obviously she could see that something was wrong. It passed as fast as it came and we began to talk again. I started walking towards her (she was only about 5 ft from me) and it not only came back it came with a vengeance. I staggered to the chair and just tried to breath it through. This time there was no hiding it from her....shes a med tech for gods sake...and a damn good one. She knew I was sick. The pain had me doubled in the chair....i thought my insides were going to spill out it hurt so much. The sharpness of the pain was almost like a knife being turned into my stomach....it crossed my entire torso. I prayed to faint so i could be relieved from it. No such luck....Tink rubbed my back and tried to help me but i guess it was just one of those things that needed to follow its own path.
It went away finally and its now been several hours and I haven't had another attack since. I dont know what my body is trying to tell me. I don't want to know, but I made Tink a promise that I would go and get checked out again. I am so friggin angry...Why is it that just when my life seems to be coming together something like this happens? Am I so damn bad that evil just follows me around? Fuck....I'm pissed. I know thats not very feminine to say but please......God in the heavens above....GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK, WILL YOU? I'M JUST WORN OUT....I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING....I WANT TO JUST SAY 'UNCLE'. Why all the drama in my life? Can't you please cut me some slack? I'm scared....damn it.... CAN YOU HEAR ME????? I'M SCARED!!!!!!!!
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-07-23 17:18:48 | Rating: | Views: 166
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i will ask GOD for him to help you, there is power of prayer,he will take care of you,i wish you wernt sick,please be brave,and everything will be ok,hope i didnt say too much or overstep, peace feel better.
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Posted by bjm1
on 2008-07-23 17:30:18
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BJM
You said the right things...thank you and tell GOD to maybe cut me some slack?
Thanks again!
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-23 17:32:38
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oh good things will happen for you he will cut you the biggest slack ever i promise, im not just saying that,peace
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Posted by bjm1
on 2008-07-23 17:34:08
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Oh I hope your okay! It isn't on your side is it??? Any pain that puts you to the floor you should go to the ER! Seriously! Take care of your self!
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Posted by KarKar
on 2008-07-23 17:50:22
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I hope get to feeling better! I do hope that you get things checked out!
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Posted by country_girl
on 2008-07-23 18:05:39
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Just some words of encouragement....be brave, strong and hopefully things will be ok. You really need to be checked out again, even just give your doctor a call....don't wait around for results.
I know what it feels like to be scared....and sometimes waiting for results can be worse than actually getting them, no matter what they show.
My *hugs* to you
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Posted by Kaybee
on 2008-07-23 19:32:55
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I really hope you feel better. Definitely tell the doctor about those attacks!!
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-23 22:14:45
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To the above comments...I'm going to call the dr tomorrow...I made a promise to someone and I'll do it. I hate the unknown, the not knowing, the uncertainty of stuff. I just want this to pass....
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-07-23 23:06:34
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Hey Kaz, so sorry to hear about this. Please tell the doctors everything you can. Take care of you :) *hugs*
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-23 23:37:56
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K, please go to the doc. I hate them too and both my parents do. I've skipped out on so many tests and I hate needles (although that fear lessoned after being pregnant twice, they stick you like a pig then)!! I'll be praying for you.
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Posted by Katydids_and_daisies
on 2008-07-24 00:28:11
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I will pray for you hon. I am hoping it is nothing serious.
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Posted by circe
on 2008-07-24 02:34:32
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Last Blast, I know nothing about you or what age you are and I don't want to scare you any further but.......I had that kind of pain before an ectopic pregnancy. I almost died, so just in case, and I sincerely hope I'm way off track - please see a doctor now. Also, this kind of pain must never be ignored. If it turns out to be something simple, that's great, but DON'T IGNORE IT!
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-24 05:49:13
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Another thing - I know you have not felt well for sometime now. Wouldn't it be great to get it sorted so you could just get on with enjoying things again. The pain also sounded like gallstones, so please promise you will get it seen to.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-24 07:24:37
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I'll pray for you lastblastkl.
I hope if anything it is only your gallbladder. That can be taken care of pretty fast!
I've had these pains you describe. I was feeling it all over again as you told about them.
Dear Lord make them stop is right! Go to the doctor! Don't mess around or it could become worse or constant!
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-07-24 08:43:41
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Saying a prayer that you will feel better soon. Glad you are going to the doctor to get this checked out. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-24 11:22:04
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I was thinking the same Anotherdaze
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Posted by circe
on 2008-07-24 12:35:41
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You really do need to get checked out, and tell the doctors every detail of what happened. I mean what if you dont and things only get worse? The pain you're already dealt with is hard so imagine what kind of pain you'll have if you dont get checked out. And you would get some slack if you would go get checked out regularly to make sure you're healthy but since you havent you have to experience what you're going through. So God is listening to you but are you listening to him?
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Posted by Deep93
on 2008-07-24 15:37:05
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I hope you start feeling better.
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Posted by inside_out
on 2008-07-24 16:32:31
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