I will most likely be in a world of shit for writing this. in fact i know i will be. but write it i must. i have been "talking" to someone i met on the web. things started out friendly and have progressed to more than friendly. i have noticed that they seem to get angry quick. sometimes i will say something and not mean anything bad or insulting by it and BAM we're arguing and not "just arguing" but FIGHTING. it seems i cannot say anything correct. i don't understand it at all. what i do get is that a past relationship really did a number on them BIG TIME. i feel like i have to pay the price for that. i get told i'm lying or trying to start an arguement and believe me the last thing i want is to spend my time with this person arguing. i also admit that there have been times where i have felt that little hand of jealousy on my shoulder. i'm human (odd but true) so obviously i get jealous. the worst is when we argue bad and they assume i feel one way or the other with out actually listening to how i actually am feeling. they assume that i think they are a bad person or that they are always wrong. huge conclusions are drawn and i am feeling so confused and dumbfounded. how do i get through to this person i am not that woman that f----- him over. i have no intentions of f------ him over. last night was the worst so far i think. he has the flu from the symptoms he described and from what he sounded like  clearly he wasn't feeling well. i took that into consideration. we talked on the computer for a while (with no arguing) for a long time. it was light and funny and very rewarding. i went out for a while and when i returned later things were still ok. when we talked on the phone later that was when things went south. i knew i was in trouble when i had to ask several times for him to repeat himself. i couldn't hear him, i'm sorry. he got upset about that. he made a comment about me never having had told him he was "nice". my answer? "when you are i'll tell you". BAD MOVE! i didn't mean anything huge in that response either. but i was FUBAR big time. things went from so bad to so much worse and one of the last things he said was he was going to go back to the old girlfriend because he knows where he stands with her already. i just started crying. i didn't know what else to do. the tears just came and that made him angry too. i don't say the correct things. i don't give the correct compliments. i can't even cry correctly. there have been times in my life where i say "i'm at a total loss of words" but we all say that. in this situation i literally am "at a total loss for words". i want to say "hear me, listen to me with your heart. dry my tears with kind words. better yet don't make me cry. don't assume you know what i'm thinking or feeling because clearly you are wrong about that. laugh with me, love with me, don't waste what time we have on things that in the grand scheme of things don't amount to a pinch of shit." " let me make you feel better, let me soothe your bad days and enjoy the good ones. let me be ME and not her. don't take out on me what someone else has done to you. trust me. trust that i'm not the kind of person that does bad things to people i care about. don't take every word that comes out of my mouth and twist it and turn it until what was said in humor now sounds like insult." "let me just be me because thats all i know" "lets take it one day at a time, enjoy it, savor it, take total wonder in the fact that of all the people on the webs we found each other. accept the differences and amaze at the similarities. laugh with the fact that i have my own vocabulary for stuff and that you are beginning to actually understand them. that instead of the ordinary we find the extraordinary in simple things like "GOOD MOROW", not just good morning, coffee cakes and ice cream, chicken lips, bad flute music, 2 a.m. calls, purrs and grrs and the hundreds of other things we have enjoyed." if last nite was the end of this whirlwind relationship then i will look back and just try and figure out what happened and where did i go wrong. how did 2 people who thought they had the tiger by the tail suddenly lose it all over something i'm still not sure of. i supose i'll learn to speak clearer, make my feelings known better, not assume my humor to others is being taken as it's meant, crying better? ( i think i want a judgement on this one). i will think it all over and decide if it's worth it. right now, i'm raw with pain and emotion. i'm scared of saying the wrong thing or feeling the wrong thing. back into my hermit's shell?? i think so. at least there i feel nothing, say nothing, and have nothing. NO PAIN! NO GAIN!