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| CAN I CLAIM TEMPORARY INSANITY???
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Is temporary insanity a good defense for murdering your best friend??? i hope so bc i may be needing it soon. i better be finding a good attorney.
Imagine my surprise to recieve a phone call from my bf this morning and finding out she posted!! not only did she post but she posted about me!! is nothing sacred anymore?? i mean i'm not angry bc what she said is practically in crypted code. the only ones that know what she is talking about are me and her so i supose it's ok. i want to keep some things 'close to the vest' as they say. it just seems strange seeing someone i actually SEE on a daily basis posting here, real strange, but then again so is she.......lol
I am having a bad day that started yesterday afternoon and continues on and on and on........ i hate those kinds of days when it just seems to be neverending.....like the movie 'THE NEVERENDING STORY'.....i want it to be a happy ending at some point. when is it my turn? jesus i'm sick of watching everyone else stand in the same line as me and then get called to the front first. i've been standing here forever it seems and i hate it.
I want my shot at the brass ring too. i think i'm being superstitious. i've been going through something the last several months and haven't talked about it to anyone (except my bf at work). i've been scared to death to say it out loud except to her bc i'm afraid to jinx it. i'm terrified as soon as i say something pple will jump on me about it or it will get all fucked up and i'll be left with more than egg on my face. will the fates be kind to me or will they be like they have been in my past and take away my smiles and happiness? can i speak of it or not? i have this incredible knot in my stomach and it won't pass. it feels like a huge ball of fire that is burning its way through my skin.
Yesterday i was told i was a hypocrite and they were right, i am. i say one thing and then get upset when someone else does the same. it's de ja vu for me......sure as shit.
I'm having the worst time right now and it all might be for naught bc i may have screwed it up big time. i'll have to deal with that in my own way. i know i'm in over my head and feel like shit. its like a manic situation....when its good it is absolutely fantastic, wonderful, exceptional, mind boggling, intense, and simply magical.....and when it's bad it is the fire in my stomach, the ache in my heart, the sadness in my soul, the pain in my life. i wish there could be a happy medium somewhere without the bad shit.....
There have been times i have wanted to scream it from the thoughts rooftops and just knew if i did i would be putting it 'out there' for criticism and comments. i would be in essence spilling my guts about the one thing in my life that has been only mine for a long time. i didn't want to share it. i was like a child that had a toy and didn't want to let anyone else touch it, play with it or even look at it. this is mine and mine only......something just for lastblastkl. so i have protected it.....i had protected it so well, that i may have lost it. what is wrong with wanting to keep something safe and pure and mine only? but in the same thought did i keep it soooo safe and private that i may have lost it??? jesus, am i one fucked up person?
I am such a putz...............a real ass at times.......will i never learn???
K
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Posted by lastblastkl on 2008-05-05 12:00:56 | Rating: | Views: 128
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K - just stopped by the say HI.
You are not a PUTZ or an ass .... you are just HUMAN like everybody here.
Keep your chin up and turn your frown upside down.
The world is a better place when it is upside down!.... Love you Mate.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-05 16:43:29
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After easy's comment, not much I can say :) She put it perfectly :)
Sending a hug to make you feel better, if you're the hugs kind of person...if you're not, sending a wave from a distant land, just to let you know I'm here for you :)
Take care girl...
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-05-06 03:27:40
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easy
sometimes i FEEL like a putz....yesterday was one of those days...today its better...no putzing..lol...thanks for being here for me YET AGAIN....K
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-05-06 09:43:34
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tony
no words of wisdom??? no poem for a woman who feels putzy???? oh man.....its still nice to see you're superman here...smile
k
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-05-06 09:44:44
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angel
i am very very much a hugger....love hugs...so hug away and believe me lately i need them...smile....thanks for the comment....i find myself looking forward to them a lot...k
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Posted by lastblastkl
on 2008-05-06 09:46:22
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aww you're not an ass! Just having a bad day... we all deserve to be in a bad mood sometimes. Hang in there, you're light is coming.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-05-06 11:05:34
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