I think this will take more courage than leaving the spouse. i will not mention any names at all for obvious reasons. its no ones business but mine and the person to whom i am speaking of. i had mentioned that i had become involved over this site with someone and thats true. he was upset because i didn't acknowledge that i was even having a relationship and so after a lot of thought i realized his feeling of nonexistence meant more to me than my need for privacy. and i wrote the post and was happy for what i said even though i could have gone on and on about this exceptional person. he recently found out that i had been more than extremely flirtatious with someone else on more than one occasion. to say i feel like shit is so under what i am actually feeling i don't seem to have the right words.  it was wrong, so very wrong and to tell him i am sorry would almost be an insult bc i am so much more than sorry. i am ashamed to the maximum that shame allows. u would think after all that has been done to me personally that i would be the last person to ever do something like this. i haven't even cheated on the spouse and not for lack of opportunity but for the simple reason i am not a cruel person.  i take into fact that i don't want to see people hurt and i failed this time terribly. someone reminded me tonite that betrayal is the lowest form of a human being and he was right, it is. i lost someone today so dear to me and i feel so empty and lost and then to lose this person (in a different way) is equally devestating. if i could take it all back i would. if i could give him back his trust i would. if i could give him back his faith in me i would indeed. i will never give another human being any reason to mistrust me again. it isn't worth the pain of what they or u go through. u have ur own loss and pain and then on top of that u feel their pain too for what a piece of shit u r and what u made them go through. his sense of betrayal must be so overwhelming and to him i say i apologize from the bottom of my heart. if u can find it within u to forgive me i will be so eternally grateful. to put this on a public forum is humiliating and embarassing but i don't know any other way to say it. i was wrong.