Since I have arrived back from Melbourne and came back in Sydney, life has been unbearable, I feel finally I have hit rock bottom, and instead of hitting the bottom and bouncing back up slowly, I have slammed into the ground and I am contemplating my belly button.

The benefit of this, is I have never been stronger then I am right now, possibly due to reciting as many positive affirmations that I can, to try and alleviate my pissed off feelings!  That and constantly bugging God to give me what answers he can, so I can move forward and onward and keep on going.

I realise, rock bottom for me is, being in a place that I have no regard for others, for the first time, I dont feel the need to put others first, to make them feel good, to help them, to buy them stuff, for right now, I just dont care about anyone else but myself, and its a empowering feeling.  I know what I am talking about here is extremely selfish, but when you give and you give and you give and you get very little in return, you are bound to wake up at some point in time, with nothing in the petrol tank, which is very much where I am at right now.

I cringe, when people talk to me, because even there I am empty, I do not have words to comfort people, placate people and in frank honesty, I dont care to listen, I just want to do my job, get paid leave and read and devour as many books as I can, have as many memorable moments with people I do not know, who will not ask for anything from me, and who do not expect to see me again. I know this will recharge my batteries. Make me feel more comfortable and excited about life.

I guess this is all I have to say right now.