Thoughts.com Blogs - The Hand Washer

View Blog

The Hand Washer

Ben Lazar, stood in front of the kitchen sink. His retirement was almost here a few more days and the new house would be the only place he needed to be at any hour of the day.

No more babies, no more intruments and no more clients. Well patients just was not the politically correct term oh he clucked. No more blood on his hands. Or the gloves...yes, but it was his hands inside those gloves. He really hated the blue ones. Some how they reminded him of old monster movies. He finished washing his hands. They were clean now.

Time to consider lunch. A familar voice was telling him to come sit down, lunch was ready, He made his way to the table and picked up the clear plastic fork. "Pinic style today Ben. The voice came from the loveliest familiar face, will you join me Louise? You know I can't Ben, not today. But you go ahead and eat.""

Ben smiled and then fixed his concentration on the chicken salad. As always he carefully scooped from the center, to the back and to the right side and to the left. Routine had cemented it's self into everything over the years. No matter when he made his practice it was the same day in an day out. Sundays had always brought relief. He had not worked Sundays since he opened his own pratice. Ben Lazar Womens' Medicine Plaza. Oh it had been good to him and he hoped good for those who had sought him out.

He finished his chicken salad, and began on the pears.
"How long?" he heard behind him... Been in practice since 1975 he said, I 'm ready to finish up. How long here at the new place Dr.Lazar?"" Luh--zar He corrected, like in a Russian ruler Luh-- tzar". He replied with out looking up. Who ever had Louise ushered in to talk to him? He spoke again, "please do not expect me to respond until I've finished up". His voice had sounded like that of a man used to being in charge. " Ever use stainless" the soft voice behind asked? Though Ben knew whoever it was, was talking to Louise, Ben still became a little aggravated. Surgical steel or toss away plastics. Both good both save money, who wants to know? This a bit of an intrusion you know... Ben said tersly.""Louise, would you bring me a bigger spoon, this one isn't going to get the best results."" Louise brought the special spoon, and Ben picked it up. Next time just put it in my hand, will you. Sorry Ben I must be out of practice." Ben finished and said ""all done now you'll be fine now, Ben patted the top of the chair... here take care of this won't you I need to get washed up again.""

""You see don't you? It was louise speaking. He needs an evaluation. He's been evaluated. He needs to stop this has gone on for so long. How long?"" said the other voice, it was a pleasent voice a gentle baritone well modulated. ""Seven months ago is when we all began to notice Louise answered. What does he expect you to do with that? Dr. Gainer asked"" ? Louise held up the plate. The seperted bit of chicken sald were is consice seperted sections. "" It's a D&C Procedure, it would need to checked for throughness""... ""I see said Dr. Gainer. And this began when? Just after the Plaza closed and he went back to deliveries only Louise replied"".

Neither of them spoke, as Ben finished washing his hands.

""Lets go to your den darling Louise spoke to Ben. It's the best roomin the house she said enthusiastically."" The trio made their way to the lovely and comfortable room. A tiny half bath was at the far end of the room its' door slightly ajar. Excuse me for a moment said Dr. Lazar..... I believe I have forgottne to wash my hands after lunch. Louise looked at Dr. Gainer. He spoke in a low tone full of sympathy and confidence. "Mrs. Lazar you've done the right thing calling me."

Ben came and joined them, seating himself in a large stylish over stuffed leather arm chair. Wonderful place you two have here Dr.Lazar said Sr. Gainer.
""Yes we certainly, have enjoyed planning and building and spoiling ourselves, with every convience, possible. Ben smiled as he spoke. Can you image Louise putting up with an old man like me for the rest of our years?? She's never had me underfoot before."" Louise, smiled and replied, Ben I've waited a life time to have you underfoot darling, it'll be like a honey moon."" Ben smiled leaned over and patted her hand across the small space between them.

""We had no children of our own Dr.Gainer, an ironic twist in our lives, Louise said, I've always tried to spoil Ben instead. We didn't build the house to large but we added some unusual touches. You see the windows? At five feet of wall they give us privacy and quiet but set sideways they allow for light all day and they open easily. It'll give Ben a chance to wear is robe all dayis so chooses. She smiled, and continued. The large fireplace, reminds us each of our child hood homes. It's all things like that, that we mean when we say spoiled. We planned for four years, then we built and it was almost two years to get it just right. The landscapers finish Thurday and then Ben retires Friday. Nearly perfect!"" Ben spoke again. I met Louise my first year of practise. she needed some plumbing repairs and I was just the man to do it eh? He smiled a long smile of memory. "" It was not the cost or the time involved that makes it a home, Louise its' you. You are the heart of this home dear. How you have tolereted me these many years is a wonder no mans' mind can resolve."" ""You spared me no expense darling said Louise, then her face showed a darker mood change and she bit down on her lip, she'd said the wrong thing she knew... Ben stood up and stode his long legs to the fireplaces' mantle. ""Cost? he nooded his head gravely, cost.... one hundred twenty five, babies... he patted the carved wood gently, he turned then, and ran his hand over teh back of the short leather couch where Louise, and Dr. Gainer sat. Three hundred four 'procedures', the word procedures had a sad ironic tone to it as he utterd the word. He looke out the window. sixteen unborn little ones eash he splayed his hand the direction of teh all the unique windows. He looked as his hands as if foreign objects for a moment. He saw the blue gloves were soiled with remaining blood spots. ""Excuse me, he said absetly to the other two, I"ve something on my hands, I'll just give them a good scrub"". Dr.Gainer, gazed at Ben as Ben went through the motions to remove invisible gloves. I'll be with you shortly he said as he entered the small half bath and partly closed the door behind him. The faint sound of the running water hitting the silence like a distant mourning cry.

Louise, looked at Dr. Gainer with pleading eyes""' It's the abortions Dr. Gainer, when he stopped doing them and went back to deliveries we thought his guilt would reslove. You can see how it is. Can you perhaps schedule him this week?"" Her voice was a bit desperate. ""Call me Pastor."" Louise don't bring him to the counseling center. Come to church this Sunday, we'll show him how to wash those hands in the blood of Jesus.""