Just passed "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" on TV.  Jeff Foxworthy's you-might-be-a-redneck-if has inspired the following.  In honor of the passing of Aaron's bachelor days and ways I give you:

You Might Be a Bachelor If...

1.  You can scrape the growth off the insides of your microwave and call it a casserole.  Each of the food groups represented here.
2.  You own 2 towels.  One for you and one for wiping off your bike/motorcycle when it rains.
3.  Your living room looks like a mix between a display room in an electronics store-DVD Player, stereo, very large TV, very fancy computer, PS2, Wii, Nintendo Cube, racks upon racks of DVDs, etc.  oh, and a couch complete with snacks (think chips between the cushions)-and a waiting room (money mags lined up very straight over the coffee table)
4.  Who needs candles?  Matches in the bathroom are just as effective and not "gay" in any way.  It's a very masculine way to cover up what goes on in there.
5.  Who cleans a bathroom?  That's just...unnecessary
6.  You have an entire stash of porno's, lube, toys, etc.  And a large box of unopened condoms sitting next to this treasure trove just waiting to be discovered.
7.  One bar of soap.  One tube of toothpaste.  One stick of deoderant.  He is a man of few toilettries.
8.  No sheets.  Just a twin sized comforter and one pillow.
9.  His can collections is the holy grail of manhood-he is the envy of his pack.
10.  Beer signs double as lamps.  Multi-tasking...tricky, tricky.
11.  Laundry has 3 steps: wash, dry, throw into a pile, wear, repeat.
12.  Accessories of a chef in the making include: grill, crock pot and blender.  No utensils, just the appliances.
13.  His place looks recently dusted until you accidently brush up against something and disturb the "perfectness" of the layer of accumulated dust.
14.  Window treatment is translation for blinds that came with the place.
15.  College texts line his bookshelves.  A couple of sci-fi books can be found here too if he is of the evolved bachelor type.
16.  The inside of your refrigerator contains beer.  Canned beer, bottled beer, dark beer, lite beer, old beer, new beer, hoppy beer and skunky beer.  Just beer, beer and more beer.
17.  Patio furniture?  Ha!  Just flip over that empty box over there.
18.  Even your cat eats left overs and tries to cop a feel.
19.  Instead of making houses out of cards you make them out of pizza boxes...
20.  .....with multiple rooms so your friends can come over.
21.  You save on swiffers and just do the run and slide in your socks.