My deepest, darkest secret, huh? You sure you want this? You asked for it. And since I think many people, in my real world anyway, are already suspicious of what I'm about to say...
A long time ago I fell in love with a man. And when I say I fell in love-I mean I FELL in love. I was stupid in love with this guy. I would have done anything, changed anything, gone anywhere for this man. And what did he do? He cheated on me. He used money as a weapon. He did damn near every cold, classic dumb-ass thing a man could do.
So...we break up. And here I am thinking my (love) life is over. I will NEVER love anyone again, at least not like that-mind, body, soul, all consuming. Anyway, Aaron (yes, you know the one) starts talking to me and visiting me again after having dated long ago. Aaron was always the good guy. Always the nice guy. Always the respectful guy. And now here he was, sweet on me again/still/whatever, offering never-ending love and devotion. I knew that if nothing else, he would always be my friend at least and that he would never be able to hurt me like I had been hurt.
Into dating we go...when *bam* out of the woodwork comes the heartbreaking ex. He wants me back, he was wrong, blah frickin' blah. What do you suppose your sweet little LG did upon hearing this? That's right, put on a white dress and raced to the alter with someone that she knew was not HIM. I married Aaron for ALL of the wrong reasons, hoping that someday the right reason would show up. It didn't. Of course I loved him, just not in that way.
Am I sorry for what I did? Yes and no. It was all kinds of fucked up and wrong, but in 100% honesty, I thought that since I would never love again, I could at least be content. I was wrong. I am more sorry for the fucked up way that will affect him than I am for doing it.
So there it is...my secret. A secret no more. A secret I only really was able to fully admit to myself recently. And since I've got nothing and no one else I could possibly loose by airing this, cheers to blog therapy and Internet challenges.
I know he's already been tagged, but since I'm sleeping with him and have the car keys-I'm tagging him again and you can bet your ass he'll do it for real this time TONY RAY. Oh and just for fun, because I love her and miss her....I'm tagging you too MOLLY (katydids_and_daisies).
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