I say fuck them..... remind me again why we waste our time in Wisconsin

This is a hard one. I know you are in pain and I'm sorry you are going through that. Although, I don't believe anyone should judge you I was on the other side of the divorce. My husband cheated on me and left me for her. He was left with few if any friends, he lost his best friend and his mom did not speak to him for a long time. I don't know if they are truly meaning to judge but more are hurt by your actions and hoping you will turn back. I can say that as for my ex, he found his way in time. I hope you do to. Take Care.

You are soooo gonna hate me when I am done here Dear One.


LOVE never promised it would not hurt.
LOVE did promise:
It would never leave ~ even when both did not see eye to eye or even agree.
Love is not a culprit ~ it just gets smashed deep inside when two people hurt.

Now what does this all mean.

Divorce is not ever favored when the wedding/marriage is being pronuonced. In fact divorce is not likely ever mentioned on that grand azz day of vows. BUT before that day of grand azz vows all kinds of thingies were being invested. Right or wrong, good or bad investments were being made in others. TOO OFTEN ~ when vows of mariage are taken everyone including the bride and groom totally ignore that while this is a union there remain two people involved. Everyone immediately begins to invest in 'the couple' losing sight of the people. The sad thing is that those two people get lost in the IDEA of a couple.

When divorce begins to get mentioned everyone involved somehow decides they must take sides. Just as they stood on 'sides' before the vows they do NOT stand right back on those same sides again. Some seem to jump ship. Others take the other side. A few stay on the same side as before. All hell breaks loose. AND few remember that LOVE is now still there becuz it is shoved way back in the furthest corner possible. Why we cant think about LOVE when everyone is so busy HATING.... but only LOVE knows better.

How long does it take?
Some people never come around again. Some people ride along the very far edges uncertain what to do next. And others step right in the ring to throw some 'punches' in their own confusion.

It may well be a very very long time before your Mother ever comes back to you and she will never again 'look' the same to YOU.

Now I KNOW this ~ I really really KNOW this ~ and you are not gonna believe me right now ~ and that is OK ~

YOUR Mother still LOVES YOU and YOU still LOVE your Mother.

Like two year olds are noted for: they get all crappy with their attitudes and feisty quite often as they work out how to be a independent little person from the parents. Parents do that several times in their Lives. The two year old repeats the cycle of exploring independence and lost innocence over and over again. It is NOT always pretty. It sure as shiot aint daisies and kool aid ... but it is the cycle of growth.

Oh and just when things begin to settle down somewhat... it is time to grow again.

I do NOT know your Mother. I do not know her age. Nor her many personal trials and tribulations. I do NOT know you so much nor do I know your actual age nor could I even begin to think I know all your trials and tribulations. BUT here is something I DO KNOW and I KNOW it holds true for you as well as your Mother ~

BOTH must learn how much greater LOVE is than any of the stages of Life. Maybe you will learn faster than your Mother.... that is up to you. Maybe it will be you who goes to her and says: Mother I LOVE YOU no matter what. I hear and see your pain of not having gotten what YOU hoped for for me in the very beginning..... and my hope is you will someday be able to go past the pain and see that my LOVE remains for YOU no matter what. In spite of even.

It is after all LOVE that will stand when everything lse comes tumbling down.

Do you want to be sitting at age 40 or even 50 wishing you could have had any kind of relationship at all with your Mother beyond the one you had before the D word was even spoken? The relationship is in the midst of a huge transition. Of course it will not ever look like what it was even a year ago. It likely is hardest to accept that a parent to child relationship DOES change over and over again. YOU can either sit licking your wounds for years and years and lose all those years between Mother and daughter... or you can choose to LOVE her no matter what.

This would not be the time to cry and rant and do things just to somehow get back at anyone. Take time for you. Take time to grow. Take time to think really think things thru.... but be sure that you have FIRST connected Heart and Soul to THEN mind. Do not try to use the mind with no Heart or Soul ... you will make your hurt last longer than you need to .....

YOU can not grab your Mother by the hair and drag her along at the same pace you are growing. There is but one thing you can do......

Repeatedly let her know:

I LOVE YOU no matter what. When you are ready... the LOVE I have for YOU is here ~ while you are not ready ~ the LOVE I have for YOU is still here. I Love YOU no matter what.

There is so much more that I would wish to share with you.... but I have now used up the time I had to sit here at this desk.... my health sux... and it pisses me off... becuz it keeps me from spilling everything I have learned the hard ways or even the few things I learned the easy ways....

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Sweetie ~

I KNOW your Mother LOVES you. She just can not show it right now as she 'acts' out her own hurts of losses.... so you will have to be the one who simply sheds light on LOVE. DO not engage her in arguments. Do not engage her in finger pointings. Do not engage in bringing up everything that is hurtful. Even if she tries to do those things. All you need do is say: I LOVE YOU no matter what. Then leave it at that.....and YOU keep belieivng.

Get in touch with me if you need or wish.

((((HUGS))))

Always LOVE ~
KateyB

Yes I love her, that was never a question.

As for you Toxic Tony-because your brother said "sign the lease".

well there ya go... now we both know we know LOVE is never a question ~
do we both know it IS the answer? Sorry Sweetie ~ ya just do NOT git rid of me.
I am stuck to you like those couple of freckles on yer face. ~ LOVE ~ Sure nuff!!!

This is all so deja vu for me. I had a good friend who went through all of this. I say "had" because it changed her into something selfish and mean. Long story, but you already know the beginning of it. I was the one who didn't judge, the one who stood by her...anyway...

Don't let angry people change who you are! Don't give up on them. The loss is theirs too. Some come around, some don't. I just hope they read your blog and know your heart.

Hang in there, honey.

xx