Life has been hard these last 2-3 days. Couldn't figure out why....until I realized that my body failed to get pregnant. So that's when it hit me-that maybe I don't hate my husband. Maybe MENSTRUAL ME hates him, but not normal me.
There is a huge difference between the two. Normally, I'm not a psychotic bitch. Those 2-3 days, I am a raging psycho bitch. Let me illustrate the difference for you and then you can see how it feels to be poor Aaron:
He say's, "We should start working out"
Normal Me: Right. You've known me for 13 years. At what point did you see me as physically active?
Menstrual Me: Are you calling me FAT?? You mutha-, just 'cause you're fat and need to work out doesn't mean I need to!
He say's, "Let's talk finances..."
Normal Me: I'd rather not.
Menstrual Me: GODDAMN IT!!!! I'm well aware that when I spend money, we have less money and when I make money, we have more money. Give it a rest!
He doesn't start/unload the dishwasher.
Normal Me: Jeezus...here I thought he was getting the hang of it.
Menstrual Me: WTF??? Do I LOOK like your bitch? Fine. You want a bitch-you got it. *start slamming things around in the kitchen*
He tries to kiss me.
Normal Me: *kisses him back*
Menstrual Me: *goes all rigid as if I am suddely bracing myself for a hurricane and turn my head as far down and to the side as possible*
He tells the dog to "go lay down".
Normal Me: Says "she's in a kennel all day-let her be a dog"
Menstrual Me: *shoots him daggers with eyes* "Leave her alone! God! How would you like to be in a kennel all day and then have me yell at you?" As if I'm not already yelling....
He gives me shit about texting/talking to/etc. my boyfriend.
Normal Me: "Get over it. It makes me happy."
Menstrual Me: "Keep it up. Pretty soon you'll be back to being a boyfriend."
He pulls up in the Splaturn.
Normal Me: God I hate that car.
Menstrual Me: Does he realize just how UN-manly he looks in that piece of shit?
He says: I love you.
Normal Me: Yeah, great. I love you too.
Menstrual Me: Shut up. Don't touch me! Get off me! You are smothering me! I don't love you!
He puts on a ridiculous outfit.
Normal Me: Go take that off, you look like an idiot.
Menstrual Me: Go take that off, you look like a fucking idiot.
To be continued.............
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