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I think the world has lied to me. It told me a would be a good and beautiful wife. A better person. I don't feel like a better person. I feel like I've failed. I look at my beautiful husband and wonder if he is as disappointed in me as I am. I can't make myself become something I am not, but sometimes I wish I could stop being who I am. I want to be reinvented into something, someone who is better than this.
Brushing my teeth this morning I saw his ring. Not on his hand, on the shelf. Two weeks in and already I feel forgotten. How can he possibly love me when I can't love myself? Not now, not like this. Now the flood gates have opened.
I've kept my mouth shut, and my fingers off the keyboard until now, hoping that this would pass. This doubt that I can't even name. What is that? Why is it haunting me? When will it leave? I wish the world would have warned me of this instead of breathing empty promises onto my pillow every night. Night time now is just a series of tossings and turnings. Where can I go from here?
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Posted by ladiegodiva on 2008-09-04 14:42:38 | Rating: | Views: 108
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Bugger off spammers...
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Posted by ladiegodiva
on 2008-09-04 14:47:03
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Do you know why you are feeling like this? It seems like this is what you wanted, has something changed? I hope that you have the closeness with your husband that you need in order to talk to him. At the times when you have the most doubts, that is when you should share your thoughts with the person closest to you. Feel free to email me if you think I can help. I send you HUGS and I hope you are ok.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-09-04 14:48:10
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I think that it's time that LG & Mandie plan another weekend gathering...sounds like we both need some quality time with each other. Maybe this time we should hit the Milwaukee Zoo. ;)
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Posted by Mandie142
on 2008-09-04 15:20:20
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LG,
You really sound like your just depressed.
Do you think it was all the wedding stuff being built up? Everyone wants it to be the perfect day. It's not when things don't go like they were planned in your head. Did it?
By the way you were a beautiful bride! I saw a pic on Mandy's page.
If your husbands ring is in the bath room it's most likely because water and rings that dont fit tighter don't mix. Mine is always on the shelf by the shower. It doesn't mean I don't want or love my husband.
Maybe he just cared enought to not want to loose it down the drain.
If I can do anything I'm here. I guess about all I can do is listen. I know you don't know me like that.
I think it's a good idea to get out with Mandy! We for some reason talk easier to our friends. Not that your husband isn't your friend.
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-09-05 09:15:23
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Thanks all for the concern-I think it was a combo of family crap/post-wedding "depression"/weather/etc.
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Posted by ladiegodiva
on 2008-09-05 13:04:48
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LG you know you're a great woman, and if you dont you should ,and I only know you from your posts so in real life you got to be something close to awesome. Doll its like that big rush you get waiting in line to ride that big ass roller coaster, heart pumping all excited ,a little nervous, but anxious. Then you ride it and its so thrilling, you cant stop smiling and screaming and its sOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun, but you ever notice when you walk off the coasters platform, how your legs are weak, your stomach is sick and you have just a little bit of a head ache? You know you loved it, you know it was worth it and you know if it wouldn't be an hour wait you'd stand in that line and do it all again. Its like that ,this little funk you're in, all the build up to the big day, all the festivities and now you're off the ride and feeling a little off by it all. Honey we know you love that man, we know you're freakin amazing ,and we know that you'll shake the funk and be just fine. Now you need to know you got friends who care and who will let you lean on them when you need to, and it looks like you got a great one in mandie. I wish you luck on the rest of these rides, God bless you and your husband in all that you do.
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Posted by tonyrayhutchison
on 2008-09-05 14:31:12
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That Tony is SO good with the words, isn't he?! :)
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Posted by Mandie142
on 2008-09-05 14:40:11
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He sure is. Wow.
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Posted by ladiegodiva
on 2008-09-05 15:46:44
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