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Depression. What a neat, clean cut, little label don't you think? How often is it "normal" to get depressed. I'm not depressed to where I'd like to really kill myself, that's not an option for me. I just get "down", "off", or I tend to just hide inside myself and let the world go about its business. Is this making any sense?
I hate the fall because it is always worse and much more frequent this time of year. Rewind a few years, before the Zoloft, and I couldn't even stand being in the same room as myself-figure that one out. So, obviously, things have gotten much better. But....
I am just sitting here wondering if this is something a lot of people struggle with? It's kind of like I'm just killing time until time kills me. And then, I think, finally I will be happy. Happy when I'm dead. That really doesn't sound too good when you put it out there does it? But it's the truth. I just think, well when I'm dead: I won't have to go to a job where I have some ego-maniac putting me down all day long, I won't be in nearly constant physical pain, I won't have to worry about money and bills (or worry about Aaron who is always focused on money and bills, but that's another blog for another day), won't have to worry about family issues, and above all that I won't have to hang on through days like this looking forward to the day that I do die.
As I said, I'm not out on some death wish-it's just the plain and simple reality of what it is that runs through my head sometimes. And since it seems there are a lot of things I once thought I was alone on, maybe this too is one of those things.
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Posted by ladiegodiva on 2008-10-12 21:35:19 | Rating: | Views: 71
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the same thoughts enter my mind at times when the ghosts are bad.... but in the darkenss is you open your eyes there is allways a light.... you have to want it to be there sometimes...
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Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-10-12 21:59:22
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Reality is tough to swallow. I keep it in check by knowing it's all temporary. I think i would go mad otherwise.
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Posted by Pauligan
on 2008-10-12 22:11:34
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I am having very similar thoughts today. I hate days like this. As you know, it does get better.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-10-12 22:14:04
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Thanks for sharing. I have days like that too. Today was one of those. Guess that we all need to cut ourselves some slack. That is, as long as we don't get too many of these kinds of days in a row. Then it's clearly time to do something about it.
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Posted by merrynbright
on 2008-10-12 23:38:57
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Ohhh Lg you are not alone on this one. I think that there are too many pressures in the world these days. And for some stupid reason we trying and make it all right at once.
Zoloft my frined and my foe. I know all about that. So please do no think you are the only one out there. Some days are better than some. And it is those days I hang on to the most.
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Posted by KP
on 2008-10-13 08:31:38
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Hey girl, you are definatly not alone, sometimes I just want to curl up and hide in my bed until the world melts away....I take that pretty lil pill too, maybe you could talk to the doc about an increase in the winter...could be a seasonal depression.....hope you feel better soon!
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Posted by Rajah1116
on 2008-10-13 10:36:27
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Yes - I'm fightin' with Seasonal Depression. Yes, I understand not likin' be with myself, I just had that episode the other day. It's such a horrible feelin'...Usually about this time of year, my mind goes all nuts - and I tried to fight with work to make it there, but I just don't feel like doin' it. Ugh it's a sickness I don't look forward to every year. But, this year will be different cause I'm not downin' my sorrows with Alcohol - so we will see... :)
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Posted by olp76
on 2008-10-16 15:28:06
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