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 Goodbye Little One
Hey guys, it is looking like I've lost the baby.  We won't know 100% until tomorrows tests, but I am pretty damn positive.  Figured I should bring you all up to speed while I am in an emontionally numb place perfect for doing so.  The bleeding started yesterday, the cramping through the night.  And now, I just feel empty. 

I am angry.  And hurt.  And just lost now.  A person doesn't know what a broken heart feels like until they go through this.  Really.  I am empty and exhausted and I just can't make myself care about anything.  I want to hate god for doing this to me.  To my family.  To all of us.  But I can't. 

It's so cruel.  I have never wanted anything more in my life than I wanted that baby.  I feel like a failure.  I feel like I've let everyone down.  Aaron, our parents, our siblings, our grandparents and aunts and uncles.  Everyone.

 And now I'm forced to live in a world where 14 year old girls have babies without any problems whatsoever.  Where is the justice in that?  Mostly, though, I just want to sleep away the next twenty years.  Not feel anything.  Physically or otherwise.  Just lay me down and leave me be, let the winds of change move over me. 
    Posted by ladiegodiva on 2009-04-21 14:16:40 | Rating: | Views: 217
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I know what you are feeling. I lost one two. At first I didn't even know I was pregnant. My period would come and go, then I took a test, and there, i was pregnant, but the doctor said the embryo was attached to the wall of uterus (whatever the heck that means) and it was gone. The doctor had to make some kind of abortion, because it would not spontaneously come out. It hurt so bad, physically, mentally, everything was hurting inside and out.
I am sorry to hear.
Posted by  virtualife  on 2009-04-21 14:20:18 
  
Thankfully, I've never gone through this, but I do know people who have. It's an awful, awful thing. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Posted by  Vampwriter  on 2009-04-21 14:26:24 
  
I am sorry LG there is nothing I can say, my heart goes out to you. I hope that your heart can find peace in this.
Posted by  DouglasMB  on 2009-04-21 14:26:54 
  
Oh LG I'm so sorry! :(. I wish I had words to say, but I'm at a loss. My thoughts go out to you and your family. I'll be thinking of you. I'll be hoping for the best!
Posted by  brlracincwgrl  on 2009-04-21 14:27:10 
  
When you are feeling better, remind me to yell at you for saying that you are a failure...I won't now. I love you & I'm SO sorry that you & Aaron are going through this. It's tough. I don't know if you read your email but if you want, I will come down this weekend. Just let me know...anything you want. Love ya lots!
Posted by  Mandie142  on 2009-04-21 15:26:58 
  
LG we offer our deepest condolences.
We keep you and Aaron in our hearts during, what we know, is difficult and painful time.
Posted by  thoughts_staff  on 2009-04-21 15:54:22 
  
I cant find the words to express how to find comfort in them, I have experienced...Loss in my life, Remember you are a special soul only lost at the moment, a fragment in life that will never heal but will become blurred...In time...

Im sorry angel truly deeply...Heart felt pain for you, and tears that are my own.

XXXX.
Posted by  sarafeline  on 2009-04-21 16:11:34 
  
Im sorry for yer loss. . .
I dont know what its like to lose a kid But i do know what its like to lose someone That close! andIm truley sorry!
Dont feel like a failur It just wasnt meant to be. . .
It will happen for you, Trust me i know it will!
Just whatever you do or whatever happens dont blame god. He works in mistrious ways and It hard to figure him out i know. . .But i know you'll pull through this!
And it will make you stronger!
Just keep yer head up, & smile!
I know that sounds a little impossible right now But it wont in the long run!
Best of luck to you!!!
=]]
Posted by  bethany27  on 2009-04-21 17:24:34 
  
LG, I am so sorry. I wish I could make you feel better, but I can't. My aunt, whom I am very close to, lost three in a row and she still has trouble talking about it. It is so hard but you will get through it.
Posted by  VegRunner  on 2009-04-21 17:39:37 
  
I'm so sorry.. I experienced one once, and it was completely shatttterrrring.. I know how you feel.. but in time it'll subside a bit.. I hope you have some comfort in that, and then there's the matter of many more chances.. <3 much love..
Posted by  lolav  on 2009-04-22 04:37:01 
  
I'm really sorry.. But don't worry, everything will be fine.
Posted by  kawaiirocker  on 2009-04-22 06:29:13 
  
You and Aaron are in my thoughts.

I know that there are no words to say to help you through this time of pain.
But just to know, we are all feeling your pain. You are part of this big huge family called thoughts.
Posted by  KP  on 2009-04-22 08:50:39 
  
I have been through this so I understand the pain and emptiness you feel. If you need to talk, I will listen. *hugs* You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by  heatherslife  on 2009-04-22 09:59:12 
  
I am so sorry for your loss. I just commented your other blog without reading this one... I have gone through a miscarriage myself and I know how hard it can be, but you will feel better in time.
Posted by  illusionist  on 2009-04-22 11:57:52 
  
Praying for all three of you
Posted by  whiteknight  on 2009-04-22 12:41:41 
  
I know it doesn't feel like this now but the pain will get less and less as time moves on. And trust me time will move on the best thing you can do for everyone(including yourself) is for the moment put one foot in front of the other and go forward and keep positive thoughts and let time heal you and your families.
Posted by  goodenuff  on 2009-04-22 13:49:17 
  
I'm so very sorry and there aren't words to express how one feels at a time like this. The thing to remember is you are not letting anyone down. These things happen and have happened to a huge number of us. The good thing is you conceived and please God next time all will go well. I'm sorry this sounds as though I am making it sound less than it is. I have been there.
Posted by  overthehillandfar...  on 2009-04-22 17:13:28 
  
My deepest sympathy to you and your family, I am so very sorry, please keep us updated.

Prayers are with you,

N~

Posted by  Dumpling  on 2009-04-22 18:52:54 
  
oh LG
such sad news and there are no magic words to heal your pain! I am so sorry for your loss. You are not letting anyone down Lady G, pamper yourself, and let others help you. It must hurt so bad, I feel sorry for your entire family. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by  roe  on 2009-04-22 22:40:59 
  
LG, I'm late and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, it is the worst feeling in the world. No words can really comfort you and it is as if you've lost a part of yourself. You are not a failure, it happens to often. I too wonder why the world is this way. When you see all these stories of abuse from parents who weren't worthy and had healthy pregnancies when people such as yourself who more then deserve the blessing of new life are robbed of the chance too many times. I will be praying for you...
Posted by  Katydids_and_daisies  on 2009-04-23 11:29:58 
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ladiegodiva
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