Hey guys, it is looking like I've lost the baby. We won't know 100% until tomorrows tests, but I am pretty damn positive. Figured I should bring you all up to speed while I am in an emontionally numb place perfect for doing so. The bleeding started yesterday, the cramping through the night. And now, I just feel empty.
I am angry. And hurt. And just lost now. A person doesn't know what a broken heart feels like until they go through this. Really. I am empty and exhausted and I just can't make myself care about anything. I want to hate god for doing this to me. To my family. To all of us. But I can't.
It's so cruel. I have never wanted anything more in my life than I wanted that baby. I feel like a failure. I feel like I've let everyone down. Aaron, our parents, our siblings, our grandparents and aunts and uncles. Everyone.
And now I'm forced to live in a world where 14 year old girls have babies without any problems whatsoever. Where is the justice in that? Mostly, though, I just want to sleep away the next twenty years. Not feel anything. Physically or otherwise. Just lay me down and leave me be, let the winds of change move over me.
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