JUST NEED TO BITCH.  DON'T EVEN BOTHER READING IT.

Stop staring at me with your blank pages and wanting.  Begging me to strip away the layers of what I really think.  I can't, it's too pathetic.  It's too sad.  It's too fragile.  It's too insecure.  I am too pathetic, sad, fragile, insecure.  I watch him turn and I fear that I will never be enough.  That I will never be her.  That his arms were not made for me because if they were, maybe I'd be in them.

Crap ramblings to go with my equally crappy moody.  It's all just shit.  I know it.  Don't I?  But I can still say it, can't I?  Even though he lives here and there is nowhere else in the world I'd rather be, I'm still allowed my days right? 

I just feel so.....isolated.  Cut off.  Ugly.  Unwanted.  GAH!  Happy fucking Halloween.  Whatever funk showed up yesterday, spilled on the carpet and I stepped in it.  Now I am the one that wishes I could jump off the roof.  No not really, just saying.  I need a vacation.  I need sun.  I need love.  I need.  I need.  I need.  Blah, pitiful fucking me.

It's a nasty combination of things.  Work-I hate it.  Family-it sucks.  Friends-what friends?  The one I have is off being "bothered".  :P  Oh sweet somebody come bitch slap me out of this.  Cowgirls aren't supposed to cry.