It seems now, that since I've opened my big, fat mouth and let the truth of my heart fall out, I find myself feeling "whole" for the first time in a long time.  I woke this morning and reached for Tony Ray before I opened my eyes...he wasn't there.  I heard him making coffee and whispering to the dog.  I lay in bed thinking about everything, everything I've said-it was all so ugly, but like an infection under the skin-I just needed to get it out.  Now I let the healing begin.

So as I lay in bed looking at our bedroom, our closet, his clothes next to mine.  Our towels from the shower the night before lay on top of each other on the floor.  And I am...at peace.  I can finally see past everything, the mess, the chaos, the straight up bullshit of the last 4 months.  I don't care anymore.  I can't care anymore.  It's like thinking about bills- yes they are there, I acknowledge that at some point I will have to face them head on, but for the moment I choose to not think of them.  I have, by saying everything I said, put it to rest in my soul.  I have found a comfortable corner to put all that ugliness in.  Pandora's box maybe, but it holds the hurt at bay just the same.

I could smell the coffee and when I pulled myself out of our bed and came downstairs-he kissed me good morning.  This beautiful man is my world.  My dreams, my heart, the keeper of my secrets, the best friend I have ever known.  I would walk through hell for him.  I would take on the devil himself for this man.  And yes, if I had the chance to do it over-I would make the exact same decisions.  He is all I need.  With him, I am happy.  I am me.  I am back to being "LG".