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| i want to elope, he wants a wedding... compromise?
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jake and i have been best friends for five years, dating for two. i love him more than anything in this entire world. i've never felt this way about anyone, i know that sounds cliche', but it's true. he's the only person i want to spend my free time with, he's the first person i want to talk to when i've had an awesome day, or when my day has been nothing but horrible. i love the nights he stays at my home and wakes me up, playing with my hair and smiling at me with those big hazel eyes. he's one of those guys who leaves me a single rose and a love letter on my windshied to find when i'm done with work, just because he was thinking about me. he helps me around the house, and feels horrible when i say i can do it myself, for him to keep watching his game. he's constantly giving me backrubs, foot massages, playing with my hair, taking care of me 24/7.
we have been together, like i said, for two years, but best friends for 5. we have yet to get into a fight. sure we've had disagreements, when we don't see quite eye to eye, but we've never fought, never raised our voice at the other, never stormed out of a room without fixing the problem. that's just the way we are. we make an effort never to go to sleep mad or irritated at the other, and we don't plan ever to. sure it could happen, but right now, things are absolutely amazing, and i would never want to go a day without him.
i would do anything for him ... but there has been one thing we can't seem to agree on yet.
the wedding.
we both KNOW we want to be married, we both can't WAIT to be married .... but i don't want an actual wedding, and he does.
usually we talk about why we have different views on certain things, and one of us will come around and agree with the other person's opinion. but we've talked about this three or four times, and we still can't come to an agreement.
here's both sides of the story, read it through and let me know what you think...
Jake's side - Wedding- jake obviously wants the wedding. he says that he wants his breath taken away when he sees me walking down the isle. he wants our first kiss as mr. and mrs. up on the altar, he wants our coming together to be in front of all our family and friends. he says he can't wait to see me as his bride, because he's so convinced how beautiful i will look (( i beg to differ, but ya never know, lol)). he also wants his mother-son dance, he wants to take his first official dance as husband and wife ... he wants all of it. to show everyone how much he loves and cares for me.... and i cant blame him for that ... what girl wouldn't?!
here's my side
Britt-Elope- i personally want every single thing i listed that jake wants. i want all of that ... the curch, the dress, the walk down the isle with my dad, the vows, the kiss, reception, dance, all of it. i want it too. but i already KNOW i won't be able to enjoy it ... and here's why ....
my parents are divorced. no big deal right? lots of people's parents are divorced. but they literaly LOATHE one another ... it's so far past hate, there isn't a word to describe it. they can't be anywhere near one another without being absolutely horrible. they bring up things in the past and it's a screaming fit no matter where we are. even if they are on opposite sides of a huge room, hell, lets make it opposite sides of the superdome, i can literally feel the tension rapidly get thicker and thicker until it's hard to breathe. my dad is remarried, so there is a stepmother. so then you have the exwife and the stepmother and all of their family together as well as the exhusbands family .... keep in mind every family member hates the others just as much as my parents. i have talked to each parent ... said it's not about them... it's not their day .... if anything, set it all aside for just one day please ... just for me .... their little girl ... put aside your selfish want to start a fight and let it go for just ONE DAY. they all say .... "i'll be good if they are". whatever. they have all promised to keep their cool and let it go... but i KNOW, because i have experienced it before at awards banquets and anything else, that even if they were to be on their absolute best behavior, it still will be horrible for me personally. because i am going to be worried that i'm talking to one family more than the other family, i won't want to get anyone mad at me or think i love someone else more, the tension will be thicker than ever. and personally i don't want to have to deal with that on my wedding day. it's supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life ... and personally i don't want to spend it walking on eggshells.....
jake has heard my side of the story ... and he understands, he really does. but yet, there's nothing he wants more than to marry me in front of all our friends and family ....
so here's my dilemma ..... do i keep trying to convince him to elope so it's a romantic getaway with just us, then come back and maybe have some kind of small party, indvidual of course, with all of our families?? or take a chance and marry the man of my dreams the way we both would want to and do the best to ignore the fighting in the background??
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Posted by ksubam06 on 2008-10-14 13:03:48 | Rating: | Views: 59
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| Blog Comments
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i think you nailed it at the end. It sounds like a good compromise to have a small private ceremony with just the two of you and come back to have a reception or something.
We had some friends that just got married in the Dominican Republic and only a handful of people could make it, because lets face it not everyone had the loot or the time to travel all the way over there. But since they didn't want to leave everyone else out they came back and a week after they organized a reception. The bride was able to wear her wedding dress twice and allow everyone else to be able to enjoy it.
This way you are able to still walk down the isle and be beautiful without the drama of unwanted guests disturbing the most important moment of the ceremony. Once you're back have a dinner or rent out a ballroom to have a reception with more people. There is no guarentee that there will not be any fighting but at least the atmosphere is more lively. You're most intimate moment is already done and you get to come back and let him have his dances and you still look stunning in front of the family.
But remember, if you're planning on spending the rest of your lives together, there is no need to rush. You have plenty of time to plan all the details out.. Hope its beautiful whenever it happens.
Best of luck
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Posted by erintrevino
on 2008-10-14 15:17:35
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thanks. i would love to fly out to hawaii ... get married, and catch a cruise on the way back .... we've thought about it. but he wants his family there when we walk down the isle ... so that's kind of hard. everyone wants to be there for everything ... so it makes it difficult to decide
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Posted by ksubam06
on 2008-10-15 09:38:21
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It sucks that the family has ruined your day before it has even happened; I mean, look at the stress you are under just at the idea of a family wedding - SUCKS!
I wonder how your family (that can't get along) would feel if they didn't even get an invitation, but everyone else did, all because they can't conduct themselves like mature adults for a few hours for your sake. You might want to ask them how they would feel if they weren't invited; I know it sounds harsh, but maybe they need to understand the reality of their childish actions.
You sound like a great couple, greatly in love, and really want to enjoy and share your personal communion with your families, and you should have that opportunity without selfish people ruining that for you.
What about 2 weddings, one for people who can behave themselves, and one for those who can't: those who can behave will have no expense spared, nice invitations, dance hall, music, hor derves, champagne, etc.; and for those that can't behave there will be no alcohol served, post-it note invites, metal dectector at the door, and could be held at a nearby slaughter-house. [just kidding]
I am sorry for all the tension in your family, you don't deserve that on your wedding day.
* * * * * * * CONGRATULATIONS * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Posted by Hugh_Pizmehoff
on 2008-10-23 13:07:37
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