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| an experience i'll never forget |
i am most definitely a skeptic. i don't believe in ghosts, i don't believe in spirits, i don't believe in palm readings, psychics or anything of a supernatural origin. i don't even know that i believe in the thought that there's an actual heaven or hell. i guess i'm one who needs proof. hard, cold, see it with my own eyes, proof. hypnotists can't even get through to me, i'm so convinced it's all an act. it doesn't work. twice professionals have tried, it's just not going to happen. that's the way it's always been. people try to convince me that there is life after death, i say there isn't. once you're gone, you're gone. you aren't reincarnated into someone else in another life, if we were, wouldn't we remember a prior life?? it just doesn't make any sense. and to those who say they remember bits and pieces of a previous life that they can't explain, i say baloney. don't try and mystify me with your stories, it's not going to work. once again, i just need PROOF.
well, this morning, i feel like i got an inkling of proof that i needed, that maybe, just maybe there is some sort of life after death. i wasn't visited by a ghost or hear things go bump in the night. it was more like .... a presence of some sort ... not in the physical world, but in a dream.
((yea .... i feel the urge to roll my eyes too at the sound of what i just said. i sound like all the lunatics i've met ... but bear with me... if i hadn't felt it for myself, i never in a million years would have believed it. ))
i never have dreams. and if i do, i never remember them. but there has been one that's been re-occurring for me. it always starts off with me walking off of some kind of charter bus or something, im not really paying attention. i see someone walking towards me, but you know how you know someone is looking at you, so you make an effort not to make eye contact? well ... that's what kept happening, and then shortly after avoiding the person, I would wake up. No big deal right?? well, i had the same thing happen last night/this morning. i had the dream... i walked off of the bus thing, start walking towards what i feel like is a gas station. i see a figure walking towards me, and this time, i actually look to see who it is. it's Paul. (( for those of you who don't know him, he was one of my best friends in high school ... he died about a year and a half ago in a car mudding incident )). i walk over to him like i'm surprised to see him, not because he's dead or anything, because in my dream its like he never died at all ... that it was just a coincidence in us running into one another. i'm laughing about something, grab his hand, and start walking towards a building, then for some reason, i turned around and was like "ya know what? come here" and give him the biggest hug i've ever given anyone, and held him for a couple minutes. when i pulled away, he had a tear in his eye, looked at me, and said "thank you ... ".
normally it would just be strange for me to have a dream, and i would normally percieve the experience as an ordinary dream meeting with an old friend. but this one was different. as soon as he spoke those words, i felt a total wave of numerous emotions come over me. happiness, relief, comfort .... and my whole body just slipped into a deep relaxation .... the next thing i knew, jake was shaking my arm to wake me up.
as soon as i was awake ... i cried.. but not out of sadness. he thought he did something, but then i told him about the dream... he told me that maybe it was some sort of form of pauls spirit trying to get to me through a dream... to say goodbye since he never could.
i don't know if that's true or not ... but i keep going back to that feeling i had rush over me right before i woke up .... it's like nothing i've ever felt before ...like i was finally at peace with his death.... he wanted me to know he's ok... and for the first time ever, i feel like i really got to say goodbye....
love and miss you paul <3
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Posted by ksubam06 on 2008-10-23 11:49:53 | Rating: | Views: 102
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