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Well what can I say?
this last three months has definately been umm.... eventful
My dad finally got fed up of me and kicked me out (thank god!) I wasnt going back to my mothers so there i went, flying the nest.
I moved to a place in the rough part of town to begin with, getting myself a job at the BT call centre.
things were fine, i was very lonely though, I saw Tom (my boyfriend at the time) less and less and I seemed to out grow him.
I mean he's 17 Im 16, he still lived at home (dont get me wrong im not against it) was at 6th form and i went to college, didnt have a job and i did, even though he had been trying to get one much much longer than me.
I think yeah, I outgrew him, or he was jealous and didnt want to see me.
I was paying everything for myself, food bills, rent, clothes and yet he still relied on his parents and didnt like the fact that i was doing all this.
he never made an effort anyway and i was getting fed up tbh.
I met a guy called Jimi, he's a fucking legend. I went over to his with a couple of girlie friends and we hit it off straight away, although he liked my best friend aswell, i was with tom so i let them two get it on while i was in the other bedroom, thinking what it would be like.
I stayed faithful with Tom but kept asking Jimi if i could stay over since his house was close to work and i borrowed his bike instead of the 40min walk through town and the rough part of lincoln on my own at 11.30pm.
even though we were just friends he made the effort, he took me canoeing and we hung out and things were just great, a really good friend. I got upset one night about Tom and how things werent working out and probably as expected form a third party he let me cry on his shoulder and comfort me. Bad move. One tihng led to another and we ended up having sex, and lots of it.
we did it over 20 times in 3 days, i mean we both hadnt hd ANYTHING in a very long time.
he got a friction thing on his dick and it swelled up and was torn round the edges and well... he was out of action for a long while.
I soon left Tom, explaining that for 3 weeks he hadnt attempted to make contact once, and he never had made the effort.
At first i thought Jimi was a rebound but he made me feel good about myself and so being naieve as i am (cant spell sorry) I went out with him. Boyfriend and girlfriend, just 2 days after i borke up with tom of a relationship of 1year and 6 months. tbh i felt like abit of a whore.
Things were awesome, long lazy mornings together, kissing and caressing, paying attention to each other and when i was at work in the evenings he had his "boy time" with his mates. it seemed to be working out perfectly, i got on his his mom and family and soon moved in.
I may as well have anyway, i was sleeping over most nights and paying £60 for a room i wasnt using, plus paying for food and bills, so i decided that it would be a better choice if i moved over to his where id pay £55 a week and get bills and food paid for me. :)
I stopped socialising as much, not going out as often, i stayed in and ate, i had never had so much comfort. when i first moved out if i had no food in the fridge i wouldnt eat, i couldnt be arsed to go out and buy food, id occupy myself with something else.
at Jimi's the fridge was always full and jimi was there for company so i stayed in (less exercise) and ate muc much more (more calories) now if you've read previous posts im very concious of my weight and i have bad body image. so this wasnt good for me, i soon gained a stone and my body confidence dropped dramatically. we had sex less, talked less, he seemed more interested with his bikes and computer and i used to just sit, waiting for him to come to bed so i could have some body contact with someone.
as time progressed on, we grew more distant. i got a laptop after achieving 7A*'s 2A's 3B's and a C in my GCSE's Jimi however at 18 and taking a progression course failed all of his. I wanted to celebrate but didnt as i didnt want to hurt his feelings. that was the beginning of our major downfall.
im not bragging but im intelligent, i let to have interlectual conversations with people and talk about whats going on in the world. Jimi however would rather watch, play and talk about poke'mon, i withstood this for a while but i grew lonely quickly.
I mean sorry if your reading this whilst eating, but he would bounce where he was sat going "ahhhhhhhhh" and litterally giggle and drool like he was copying a baby, and would do this during sex and oral.
not the most motivating thing you want to see at the point...
He also informed me he didnt want kids or get married or anything like that, cause it would "annoy" him. oh really??
I have low self esteem and often get the wrong attention off blokes because of my *ehem* 32E;s. so i need someone who will stick up for me if someone has ago, which his friends do often and he just sits back and watched as what little confidence i have gets slowly drained away.
I needed a new man.
By this time, me and Jimi werent boyfriend or girlfriend even though we held the "title" that we were.
we slept in different bedrooms, never had sex, barely talked at all.
this wasnt a relationship.
i looked back in life and remembered how my mom had met her perfect man, he was in the army and he was strong and protective and a really ncie guy, unfortunately my mom was a whore and slept with this fat bastard who shes now engaged to.
so i thought to myself, i need a military man, someone who will break anyones neck if they say something bad about me.
so i joined this website, which specialises in online dating with the military.
so i joined for a laugh, i really didnt think i was gonna get any where, i spoke to alot of different guys, the ones that were really nice i found out they were in their 30's n 40's and the ones closer to my age were only on there to get girls to show themselves on webcam for their own kicks.
i was starting to give up when i saw a guy online, i had seen him a few times before but didnt want to say hi just incase he started the whole asl? you show? speech that most do.
i plucked up the courage to say hi and it turned out he was a really nice guy, and my god he was hott, but not once did he say what you wearing? or how big are your tits? he seemed genuinely interested, so i gave him my msn and we spoke more and more, started going on webcam.
He's called John Valentine and is in the US army currently serving in Iraq.
after a week i knew he was special.
My dream lifestyle is the american dream one.
A nuclear family, mom, dad, kids living in the suburbs, where the husband goes off to work during the day and the wife stays at home, cooks cleans, looks after the kids.
thats my dream and he was talking and i found out thats what he wanted to, he wanted to find a girl who wanted the same thing, he wanted to protect her, look after her, please her.
I thought hmmm... right... ok. I was over the moon except he didnt know i was 16, he thought 18. I told him, and he didnt even wince, hes 22 btw. he said dont worry cause ive fallen for you.
and well the look on my face afterwards was unbelieveable.
we spoke more and more and i was soo happy. people were notcing that i was chirpier and talkative. we spoke through the night and we just flowed in conversation.
I stopped eating as much cause i was occupied, and i started losing weight which was great cause i was getting more modelling work and getting some wonderful images.
I sent these to him and he was gobsmacked, he had only ever seen my head and shoulders. i didnt want yet another man to ask to see my tits.
i was expecting it, but he said nothing of the sort, he was going on how gorgeous i was and how he hopes i made it big time etc...
i then started up on that i was bored with my life in lincoln, sure im doing modelling and its great even though it isnt great pay ( i got sacked from my bt job eventually long sotry dont ask, or do your choice)
i wanted to do something exciting.
he then asked me to love in america with him in june when he comes back. i immediately said yes, and i was like omg omg omg omg!
after a couple of days i realised that it maybe wasnt as easy as that, i told him and so he said we should get married.
well im 16 and was like, where? Scotland...
so there we have it really, Im moving to america with this guy and getting married. (i said yes)
its such an adventure and you all probs think im crazy and i probably am.
my mom is fine with it, not telling my dad till im there, haha that'll freak him out.
i'm saving up and paying for half the ticket.
one problem, Im still with Jimi living in his house and he doesnt know, tbh i dont think we'll be together in 8 months, no chance, i cant see a future with him...
some people think im abit of a whore, I have just seen an opportunity of a lifetime and im going for it, simple as.
Ive been speaking to john for awhile now and we still have giggles and joke about random crap, we are no where near bored with each other and i cant wait for us to start our lives together.
all this has happened in the last 3 months and tbh i havent told you all the other bits n bobs that have happened cause i cba and my hands hurt. so hope you had fun reading, let me know what you think.
so caio for now xoxox
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Posted by krystal_child on 2008-09-18 10:26:58 | Rating: | Views: 77
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I was there where you are...I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before but Jesus loves you! He says He will be a Father to the Fatherless and a defender of the weak. He wants to adopt you as His own but He will not force Himself on you....you got to want Him in your life and He will come in. Do you ever ask yourself who this Jesus is? Well God (the creater of all) sent His only Son, Jesus, into the world that the world might be saved through Him. Again...the Lord loves you...but you have to confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that He died for All that you have done wrong and will do wrong and He will come into your life. He is real. I know it because I have had a bad childhood too and if you would of asked me when I was going through things what it is that I wouldn't of wanted I would of just told you, "I want a normal family,,,a yellow house with a white pickett fence." because I thought at that time that that was something normal. When you serve the Lord with ALL of your heart and you do not lean on your own understanding but acknowledge Him in all of your ways He will direct your ath...because He loves you. I now have 6 beautiful children, a wonderful husband, and a 2 story house with a white pickett fence. He is a very GOOD God that loves you.
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Posted by 4Himonly
on 2008-09-18 10:51:29
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Would you be willing to give up queen and country for the USA? Good luck. BTW what state is he from?
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Posted by theotherjim
on 2008-09-18 17:51:25
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there are no opportunities here for me in england. we'll be living in Killeen Texas hes from Kansas city though (dont know that state) xox
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Posted by krystal_child
on 2008-09-23 05:46:15
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Krystal, Hey girl...thanks for sharing all that...you and I are very alike. However, I know you are searching for a man to fill that void in your heart, but I hate to break it to you that no man will ever make you completely happy and fill that void. I've tried. Jesus Christ is the only one who can fill that void in your life. I grew up without a dad and a crazy mentally ill mother. I knew of Jesus, but didn't think He could really fill this void. Once I asked Him to save me and be my Savior, I am whole now! I don't search for guys to fill this void anymore. I am completely satisfied in the Lord. besides, the Lord will bring me a man one day...I just know it and He can/will do the same for you. I just want you to know the Lord loves you so much...WAYYYYYY more than any guy could!!!
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Posted by genny8677
on 2008-09-26 14:59:32
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