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| representin the UK ;) |
Well here we are, about 4 months from my last blog, my life was here there and everywhere as usual, i was comign to the end of my first trip in the USA and getting ready to go back to England for a short while before returning back to be with my boyfriend Zach...
now heres the glitch...
Summer went fine and i spent alot of well needed time with my brother and my fmaily, (mostly my brother)
I find the relationship with ym siblings is one that is more important than that of the relationship you ahve with your parents, you're allowed to be friends with your brothers and sisters, although not nessecarily with your parentals, as you may well alreayd know from ym previous blogs.
I did see my father, breifly, as i invited him out for a meal but it was interuppted by a call from work which he had to attend to, which was so much mroe important than seeing his daughter for a breif lunch, whom he hasnt seen for several months because of her journeys (her being moi :D)
I spent alot of time with my mother tryign to rebuild the relationship with her and so far it has been a success :) which is much appreciated, i realsie i have been selfish in the past and may have not realised how much it affected other people, however i was determined as an emancipated teen to follow my dreams of going to america and more to follow :)
well anyways I make my way back to the states and things start off badly with an arguement which was sprung on me without reason and it caused alot of tension straight away with my and boyfriend of the time, yup you guessed it, we broke up, but aside from all the bad things that caused it (he was bi verging on fully blown gay by now, wanted to become a crossdresser full time, was bi polar and had cheated on me several times, including wiht his ex wife,,, yeah,.. i know.
We are trying to stay friends purely for the fact that no one likes a harsh breakup and having to avoid each other if you cross each other in an aisle in walmart.
Even though I am angry at him for what he did to me but meh... it was a good thing in the end, i realised im not ready to settle down, to have children so on and so forth and unfortunately but luckily i realised that when i was proposed to, i honestly and gently said no thank you and discussed my reasons why and we decided that maybe we werent perfect for each toher and went on our way.
I started hanging out wiht my buddies at fort drum and soon found comfort in my best buddy Larry, it was a complete flip in what I was used to. I realised another thing... Everyone I had ever dated were always the loner, social outcast types, never really lieks going out with buddies, would rather stay inside and watch a movie than go out to have a couple of games of beer pong with the pals :)
maybe thats why my relationships never worked maybe? Im just too much of a social butterfly, if it was up to me i would be out and about experiencing new things every day :)
also another fault I noticed in my past relationships is that I moved very quickly fell in love too soon only to have my heart broken at the end of it because we werent compatible, somethign always ended coming up that split us apart.
So this time I'm going back to how people my age should date, alright larry is 21 and is a soldier at fort drum and lives on base so I only see him in the evenings but more often the weekends rather than waking up every morning, making breakfast having breif conversation and not really get to knwo the person I have expressed my love to.
It's nice to just date ya know? not go straight to moving in with them and pretending to play happy families.
Im not saying Larry is the perfect guy for me, tbh he probably isnt i dont know if we will be together next week next month or next year but what we have is fun, I know this sounds cliche but hes the first guy I've been with you has been part fo the popular party crowd, and not in a bad way, he enjoys going out hanging out with buddies and going to the mall with the "posse" lol.
I have a laugh and a joke whenever I see him and tbh I dont think I need seriousness in a relationship right now, I have too much of it in normal day to day life, worrying about money and where im going to travel to next.
I've made it clear that 2010 is going to be interesting...
I have 3 options after xmas and new years.
option number 1.
I stay in England, live with my mom or with my brother, find a job get my own place again (maybe get back into modelling?) then just wait out till september before going back to college.
chances of that really happening? highly unlikely :)
option number 2.
Go on a eurotrip. Not any old eurotrip but one where i will live in different countries in europe for several YEARS, learning european languages and just doing simple work in the meantime to earn my keep, ie, au pair (nanny) orchard worker, ranch worker, teach english to lil kids I dunno but the possibilities are endless :)
plus the fact I am an EU member, means that I dont need to worry and hassle about visas and such like I do in the states :/
That way I have the education of being a linguist (which can rack up a 6 figure salary people!)
and I have still continued to travel and experience this little place called Earth.
chances of this happening? highly likely :) seems like the best of everything in one :)
option number 3.
I come back to the states!!!
I love this place I already have connections and a family of friends here, plenty of people to look out for me and if things go well with Larry then Im here with him :) (unless larry comes to europe wiht me, lol he has a sense of adventure too xD)
even if things dont work out relationship wise, I have close friends who have already offered to rent out a room cheap for me and help me get into education here :)
chances of this happening? likely... the bad factor is that its expensive coming back and forth.
So as the clock ticks before my flight back I have alot of thinking to do about my life in the, well very near future.
one desicion could change EVERYTHING :D
but ya knwo what? I like the unexpectancy, I like chaos, not in a negative way but I love living for the moment, not planning (overly much lol) just going for every opportunity that comes along,
I just dont want to get to 30-40 years old have a bunch of kids living in the same place for a decade, looking back and thinking "what did i do with my life?" did i just slip into societies expectations like everyone else on this earth has? workign 9-5 juggling daycare and meetings, when dinners gonna be ready blah blah blah, so I say slow down people, its taken me a long while to realise this, I have plenty of time to have children, I have to go follow my dreams and dreams dont have to be an occupation such as I wanna be a doctor or a vet or a firefighter.
My dream is to see the natural wonders of the world even if that is a different coloured post box than from what Im used to lol, I want to climb mountains, dip my toes into every ocean, sail down rivers, bathe in waterfalls and shake hands with every colour of skin there is :)
I think thats how life should be fufilling, ok ok people save animals as their dream, watch whales, win a rollerblading tornament or whatever, but IM just saying my own philosophy.
so yeah thats pretty much how my mind set is right now, im loving it, being young being footloose and fancy free.
stop telling me to grow up people! live fast and stay young! smoke herb? drive a lil too fast on country roads? good for you! well think about it, you're obeying someone who you dont even know who made up a rule and didnt even consult you about it! so I believe i shouldnt have to follow, sure theres the obvious ones like dont murder or steal etc etc... but this is life we're talking about, experiencing all them little things and if I go to europe in the end, hell I will be spending a hell of alot of time in Holland ;) (for those who dont know their geography amsterdam is there :D)
well anyways Im off to play beer pong and have a jolly good ole laugh, so here I am! Nellie in the US of A representin the UK.
BRING IT! :D
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Posted by krystal_child on 2009-11-07 17:57:51 | Rating: | Views: 17
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