i would say, this is my follow up for my 'summer journey' experience. resentment, in my opinion in the deepest form of denial mixed in w/ ill willed anger, w/ a twist of bitterness to spice it up.

coming from a very self critical standpoint, its safe to say that my period of resentment lasted so long bc i was in denial for so long...possibly refusing to admit to myself and others that i was genuinely hurt and heartbroken.  

from a perspective of being on the outside looking into my life, this would be my diagnosis:

i was hurt, and couldnt get over it. i would repeat in my head "im over it, im over it" until i guess i started to believe it even when it wasnt true. this is what i learned-- resentment will always hurt me more than the person i resent. why? bc while the offender has totally and completely forgotten about the unfortunate incident, and has happily (or some variation of that) moved on w/ their life, u are still wallowing over the unfortunate situation and pining after something/someone u cannot change. its easier said than done to forgive and move on, but its possible. i promise. i learned that u can only get more hurt beyond this point of hurt if u allow urself to be hurt. the offender has the power to hurt u more (and continuously from that point on) if u continue to bask in the pain. it gives them motive. though its hard to forget, and as much as i would like something horrible to happen to that unfortunate, pathetic soul...i believe in karma. i dont want to intentionally disturb the positive energy, and in return get in bitten in the ass. 

ultimately, the question is...how do we forgive? maybe deep down inside, i dont want to forgive. i want to hold onto that reason to want to have the hateful feelings towards that person. or maybe i secretly dont want to forgive him bc i feel like he doesnt deserve it. at the same time, by feeling this way...im continuously linking myself to him, when i need to end that link so i can 100% move on. 

im happy w/ who i am and who i want to become. from now on, no one will stand in the way of that. and if anyone happens to get into my lane, its best to move out of the way! lol 

i feel good. im happy.