so after a 3 month hiatus, ive decided to return to blogging. i have always resorted to writing to get my feelings, emotions, and thoughts in check...and after being away from blogging for so long...it appears i have returned to get my blogging craving cured lol.

there have been a number of occasions where i have gotten in trouble for my words. not because i mention names, or i behave maliciously, purposely defaming people...but bc many have jumped to conclusions. often, they would read something (bc my thoughts were viewable to the public) and be like 'omg, she's talking about me!' in reality, maybe i was...or maybe i wasnt! so maybe if one read between the lines, and i suppose...sit there and attempt to decipher my "language"...or maybe, one should consider: what makes u think that u are that special, that i sit around and write about you? lol. i mean, in truth, i believe that what i write about is what i write about. love it or hate it, but i believe that i am entitled to feel what i feel. no harsh feelings...of course.

the summer is coming to an end, and ive gotta return back to finish off my senior year of college. i am excited and overcome by an immense amount of anxiety. boo. the summer of 2007 has been quite monumental for me. i intentionally "ran away" to reinvent myself. i felt like for the past year, i had been stuck in a emotional blackhole...exceedingly inching closer to a danger point of losing myself and falling into a horrid routine of becoming someone i didnt want to become. i felt like, if i cut off connections (well, almost all connection) maybe i could focus on myself becoming better and doing better. so this is what i did. i moved back home for 3 months, worked, met new people, and began to evaluate my life. what are the things that made it bad? what are the things that made it good?

i have decided to make a conscious effort to i guess...being more compassionate.

the things that i havent changed are: my love for shoes, makeup, and my childlike attachment to my family.

during my journey of self reinvention, i fell in love with the phoenix. in chinese ("feng huang" or 鳳凰) mythology, and very much like in x-men (lol), the phoenix is a firebird...living for 500 years. it is born from the ashes and dies within the ashes...and represents rebirth. it signifies royalty, power, superiority, and immortality; it represents reinvention. it seems that i took comfort in the idea of the phoenix after my journey...and was one of the things that kept me on the focused time and time again. a new tattoo idea? just maybe!

i feel good. i am good. nothing can stop me now, im on a roll. FOREAL.