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Is it okay to say it... dare I write the words... I dont want to do this.
It's not because there is no value, I am sure I will be greatful for the experience. It's not because my booth idea isn't creative and mathy, my poster is AMAZING! I am just plain scared of crowds. I am compounded with anxioty by the fact I am not excited about math. I feel like I have to fake it. Like I am going into a foreign school, pretending to want to be there. To volunteer means to give up your time willingly, I think I'm silently kicking and screaming. I just am not a group interacting person. I would much rather observe what happens. I remember being on a commitee for a health fair in my undergrad. I was supposed to just set up the event, which was fine since I was forced into participation. I ended up also creating a booth (which no one believed I could do) and manned it on my own. I ended up getting hit on by a fifth graders dad and watched the crowd munch snacks while my stomach growled.
What else would I do with my night, you may be wondering? I have a whole slew of reading to revisit so I can reflect thoughtfully. I am simply overloaded with typing and reflecting. Everytime I cross something off my "to do" list, I put something else on. I cannot explain how stressful this term has been, not with the work load; but personally. I have literally had to push homework aside to not soak my work with tears. I feel out of place in this education world. I have a completely seperate life from the teacher I portray. I feel more connected to the parents of my students than my university community. I keep pinching myself, like I can't really be living a grad student life. Any second I'll wake up to my life as a waitress and the weight of what came before.
Can I really do this math night thing. The old Kreeya would have run far and fast to get away from this event. Teacher Kreeya will show up with a smile on her face...
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Posted by kreeya on 2008-03-13 17:12:30 | Rating: | Views: 36
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It does me good to see a teacher sweat. Usually I'm on the carpet for some dumb thing I did or said. 90 more days and I am out of public schools forever. You could notpay me enough to be a teacher, but thank you.
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Posted by penumbra88
on 2008-03-13 17:51:16
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