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Jake--

How could you not look back on hard to understand words, I love you, miss, regret, tears and secrets. And not care for the things that you did to me. I still haven't forgiven myself for the day we grew apart. I realize now that it was never my fault. That i was the best I could be. And now you'll regret what you did to me. You'll look at me and smile. Or maybe not show any emotion at all. Even tho deep down, I know taht your heart is aching. And soon you'll see that I'm to live without. I was the only thing taht was apart of you. And now that I'm gone you'll act different, act as if nothing ever happened between us. But you know that there did. You know that I loved you, and maybe you loved me too. I loved you with very beat of my heart. From teh bottom of my heart. And I meant every word that came out of my mouth on Wednesday. I think about it still and yes it still does bring tears to my eyes. I see that you are so happy. But maybe your really not. You say taht your sorry even tho I don't really think that you are. I know taht your just using her, as a way to get over me, and make me jealous. Show me that. Show me that we will still be friends. I love to be with you, hangout and be stupid. Because you and I were meant to be together. Maybe not "together" but together as best friends. And even if you don't htink taht we are best friends. You are to me. From the first day you said I LOVE YOU to now, we grew together. Made one another better people. We built a friendship that I hope will last forever. I love you and always will. You don't know yet, but you love me the exact samw way. adn you always will. I was the first girl that showed you hurt, And i was the one that tore us apart. I wisht aht I coudl ahve seen it coming. You know taht when everyone says you can't get better than me. You know that they are right. You just don't want to admit it. Because you always have to be right. Its too late now. I miss you and I love you, I need you and I want you. I cry now because I miss you. But I can't help it that I fell in love with you. And I won't ever get out of it. I Do love you. And even tho I might someday be with another guy, and maybe things will change. I will always keep you number one in my heart. Because I made a promise to you really late at night, that you would always be number one to me, alway. And even when your gone, and I have no one else to realy on. I'll still think of you. Think of the one person that I shared everything with for the first time. You were always there to help me when I neede it. And I hope that you still are. Ihope that things won't change. I know that they have too. I know that we acn't still be one another. But can we hold eachothers hands like friends, And can I have your shoulder to lean on, and cry on when I am sad. Do I still have that. I hope that I do. Because I love you and I hope taht you do too. Your very special to me. and I hope taht i was to you. Just don't walk in front of me because I may not follow. Don't walk behind me because I may not lead. Walk beside me and Just be my friend.