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| A final letter to my father.
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So I need to get this out to you. And just before you read this, I want you to know, that what I say, will hurt you. I'm not trying to be mean. But it feels like ever since you moved to Utah, all you want to do is go back to Arizona. Your there every weekend it feels like. I see you maybe3 more times than when you lived in Lake Havasu. I dont know why either, all I know is its probably to be with Krysti. And Dad it DOES, and it ALWASY DOES feel like she is more important than Nick and I. We are all you have when everything goes wrong in your life you. You've wasted those years to be with us, for her. And that is not right. Krysti has (sorry about my language) fucked up your life so much. You gave up seeing your two childeren grow up, becuase you were too busy being beaten down by her. Your better than taht. And you have now to realize that Nick and I haven't had a father for the last 7 years. Thats hard. You have no idea how hard it has been for me. If I don't hear from you for.. a week, I don't know what happened to you. And thats hard. I try to make time for everyone.
Sorry that I haven't been able to see you, when you actually do come to PC. I have cheer at least 4 times a week. And the times that I don't, I have to catch up on school work. More than anything it hurts me more to not see you, than anything. Nick, doesn't feel this way. But I know that someday he will. One day he is going to realize, "where did my father go?" Your family can see it. Your WHOLE family. They can see, why your so depressed. And you tell mom, "I never get to see my childeren" WELL, wonder why? Hmm.. your too busy being in Arizona. You told me, you wouldn't go back there. And you have. And I bet it was to see her. I can't believe you would do something like this. What ever happened to "I will come see you everyday!" that was a lie. Your parents, the people who care the most about you, should never lie to you, the way you have to me. I dont know if I can call you my father anymore. Becuase it feels like... I dont mean anything to you anymore. You can choose what to do. GO to arizona and spend your life in hell with a physco bitch. Or you can move to Vegas, and ruin your life there. Or you can stay in Utah, and be close to your family, and be happy. So you can make that decision.
I'm sorry about what I have said, I didn't want to say it. But I knew that I had to. You have to understand what I go through. And I think that the reason why I have so many problems, is because I never had a REAL dad.
I love you.
- Courtney
P.S.
The day I'll OFFICALLY forgive you for everything you've done, is the day you :
- stick to everything you say
- Stop talking to krysti
- And be a real father.
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Posted by konstaninexxc on 2007-10-13 12:23:58 | Rating: | Views: 76
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No No Courtney,Sounds a little silly.Remember he will always be your Dad'He could have 10 girls an he will end up loving you,for always your h is girl. And you will just go on loving him Thats what Daddy's little girls do .Just you be the grown up. Daddys too make mistakes.Have a nice Sunday
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Posted by shellyme
on 2007-10-13 16:49:38
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Wow,
Sounds really hard to be you.
My dad was just the opposite of yours, he saw me too much, and when he saw me it always ended up with him calling me a fuck up, or a million other names, and the times I remember him most is when he beat the shit out of me.
I ended up running away from home and boy did that end up being the wrong decision. (tell you about that later maybe)
You know though, even though my dad never ever told me that he loved me, I always kept trying to get him to be proud of me.
I don't think he ever was, but now he's dead so I guess I'll never know if he did love me.
It does sound good that your still making a life for yourself and that your doing cheer and working on your homework and stuff, so keep up with the good work.
I think your right on the mark about your dad being depressed and putting up with a women who puts him down.
I think you should be proud of yourself because your heart is so big as to be able to forgive your dad if he ever see's the light. Don't count on him to change, but give him a second chance if he ever really does.
I guess I just want to say, keep yourself together cause it sounds like your a really smart person, and you really got a good head.
I'm really and old guy and it's not too often that I hear things from you guys that sound like you've are really getting yourselves together, but you sound like your going to be alright.
That is as long as some guy doesn't come along a messes up your life.
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Posted by jwcj
on 2007-10-14 03:30:21
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well courtney, that must be really hard, i dont know what it is like to have a dad whose not there, but sometimes he might as well not be there... i totally agree with you, your parents shouldnt lie to you, and should NOT tell you they will do something they have no intention to do, that part i know how you feel about, it sucks... but if you got it out n told this to your dad, hope fully it will make him think about things before he acts, make him think about what he wants.you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders... dont let him bring you down.make sure you live your life for you.
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Posted by purplepleasure
on 2007-10-14 05:18:46
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