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Bisexuals get a bad rap. Or rep. Which is undeserving. From being told "you're either gay, straight or lying" to having strangers inquire about three-some experiences, they are the red-headed stepchildren of sexuality. Neither gays nor straights take them seriously.
Why does this happen? Why isn't it legitimate, being bi? A lot of critics point out the experimentation phase in teens or in college, and label it as confusion. Most men, if they were dating a bisexual woman, would have rosy pictures of two-on-one nights dancing behind their eyes. Shazam! They are thought of (unfairly) as free-for-all-sleep-with-anyones.
They have to deal with a double-whammy. Shunned by the straight community, or treated patronizingly to 'it's just a phase, dear,' or getting the cold shoulder from the gay community for 'undermining The Cause,' bisexuals in reality have little choice to be themselves. A team has to be chosen. And then, perhaps later, re-chosen. Every choice they make is criticized by someone as not being true to themselves.
It's more difficult to be bisexual than it is gay. And no, I'm not talking about the girls in the clubs dancing up on each other to attract male attention ( which seems to work like a charm) (grin). I'm talking about people who have genuine feelings, genuine attractions...to people.
Someone recently asked an interesting question about attraction. They said they could never be attracted to other men, and that they simply didn't understand it. It brings up a very good point. Can you actually describe, in detail, why the things you find attractive are attractive? Either romantically or sexually, how can you define it? You can say 'eyes,' but the eyes you like and the eyes I like could be polar opposites. You can narrow it down to a simple gender question. Men. Women. But does that really cover the full spectrum of what you as an individual find attractive? I most definitely don't find all men tasty.
Some bisexuals tend to like same-sex, some tend to like opposite-sex. But many are gender-blind. They fall in love with individuals. In fact, don't we all? Maybe part of the reason so many people find it laughable is because they imagine themselves swinging back and forth, boy-girl-boy. Or maybe it's envy? A Harvard School of Health did a survey, finding 20.8% of men and 17.8% of women confessing to "unusual attractions." Kinsey's infamous survey found only 50% of men in his study could be considered 100% straight.
According to Freud and Bjork, 'everyone's bisexual.' I don't believe that. I've never been sexually attracted to another woman. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Such notables as Herman Melville, Isadora Duncan, Sir Laurence Olivier and Marlon Brando identified themselves as bisexual. Hardly a group of half-wits out for shock value.
Many people make jokes about bisexuals having double the choice. Technically, I suppose it's true. But don't forget there's a double-dose of stigma they have to deal with too. Kocka.
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Posted by kocka on 2008-09-30 06:08:10 | Rating: | Views: 72
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I will stay single-minded. Bis are still gay and it is wrong. If a woman came up to me and said she was attracted to me I would absolutely throw up and then punch her straight in the mouth. I am straight to the core. I don't understand being gay nor do I want to try.
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Posted by smvandiv
on 2008-09-30 07:30:02
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You are very much OK to be bi! Although I am not bi my wife is. We have come to the conclusion that we are just as genetically driven to be non-monogomouos as gays are to be gay and straights are to be straight. You are NORMAL and if you are happiest professing that you are bi then by all means BE BI nad don't make excuses to anyone about it! We have found our comfort zone in the lifestyle of Swinging. If you have to time please check out my blogs and those of my wife. Her profile here is funswinggal and mine is MerkNMan. I think we all may be on a similar wavelength. We hope to hear from you and no matter what, you will always be accepted for who you are with us!
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Posted by MerkNMan
on 2008-09-30 14:09:55
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I thank (the 3 of you?:) for your input, but I'm not bi. I write about topics that affect everyone- the reason I wrote it wasn't for me, but for friends that have people who judge them strictly. Not for the people they are but their identities they feel. If y'all re-read the post, you'll find I'm not. But it's clear I don't have any problems with understanding the dilemma and I think bringing up topics about sexuality is the first step towards understanding. smvandiv, good on ye. and merlnman, good on ye too. The point is that you can't judge someone's happiness internally by any external visible choice. We ought to be able to be clear about our own physicality and enjoy it without being labeled conservative or "next, please?" It should be about personal satisfaction, what's right for the individual. I'm a bit surprised at both receptions/interpretations of my post. But I wish you all well. Thank you for commenting, K.
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Posted by kocka
on 2008-09-30 16:29:32
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Interesting...and very well-written.
Sexuality is such a complicated thing--far more so than I was led to believe growing up by well-meaning but somewhat naive right-wingers. Personally, I'm very attracted to women, and I have no desire to experiment sexually with a man. But I won't say that I haven't felt what the Harvard researchers might consider an "unusual attraction" at some point. Feelings and impulses are so fickle--I don't think that feeling something automatically puts a person in a different sexual category.
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Posted by joelbarish
on 2008-09-30 21:30:17
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