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im staying somewhere temporarily. its always temporary. all my life plans have become a big "temporary arrangement" until this or that happens.. until joe and i get back together, until the baby comes, until i/we get our own place, until i finish uni, until my youth allowance payment comes through, until i go back to work... blah fucking blah.
the world looks at you and it says "you didn't do what we told you to, and now you're suffering the consequences." but i tried my fucking hardest. i just want to be happy. is that insane? i want stability. i want to know that the bed i sleep in is going to be the bed i sleep in every night for a long time. i want to know the man im sleeping next to is always going to be that same man. i want to know that the roof over my head is unconditional and that it's ok for me to be there.
i don't want to be alone
i don't want to cry again
i don't want to move house again
i don't want to stay awake all night, wondering..
and all these things.. they are mine.
and i did this.
this house im staying at, they smoke inside. nobody even does that anymore. nobody. but they do. but its good anyway. they have lots of vegies growing, side by side with their mull.. and i can help them garden, and everyone is pretty stoned there and they're always just relaxed and sleeping and playing crazy music. there's lots of artwork all over the walls and home made ceramics and stuff. shit everywhere but beautiful big canvases splashed with amazing artwork.. and out in the yard lots of sofas and they dont have a shower it's one of those camping showers you connect to a tap and then you just kinda hose yourself down in the bath.
i cant have the baby there though. i might need to put him up for adoption. i dont know yet. there's nowhere to live.
where is joe? why isnt he calling? i need him! doesnt he know i need him?!
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Posted by knocked_up on 2007-12-20 00:26:29 | Rating: | Views: 163
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I hope you can find a true friend where you are to help you through this difficult time. Is there someone you could reach our to, if not for you than for your baby? I wish you the best.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2007-12-21 01:18:34
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