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the previous post was mostly about a email i had recieved from scarlett and now this is it posted by request toughts and comments appreciated
Sweet Kyle,
I cannot really think through all of this clearly, so please bear with me.
I DO love you. LOVE LOVE LOVE. This is not about love, this is about thinking of a clear strategy that will work for us to end up together again (happily) and not finding it possible.
We have tried:
Not talking to give eachother (mainly me) space...does not work because I miss you and then I get confused because- 1) I feel like I should call you to keep your spirits up and your interest in me alive AND to make you not feel unwated. 2) I wonder if I am doing that because I would feel guilty if I did not. 3) I wonder what I really want...am I making a decision based on guilt or natural feelings?
Conclusion to the above: the missing you comes naturally, BUT it does not come at all hours. I have been going through my days not dying from missing you, but there are moments when I really really do miss you.
Problem- I need to learn how to differentiate between the honest missing and the guilt-influenced missing.
We have also tried:
Talking on a regular basis....this does not work because: I feel like your common presence is weighing in too much as a variable when trying to decide what I really want/ can actually do. I feel pressured AND like you disregard my wishes. Example- I tell you all the time I need space and time...but then randomly we will fall into sweet lovey dovey modes (my fault too). I ENJOY these modes when they are happening, when they are over, I get confused.
You say let's work on this together...I understand where you are coming from. BUT I KNOW that that will not work for me while I am in this state. What I need is PURE CAROLINA time to think through things, and everytime you come into the picture, that pure me time is disrupted and set back.
Problem- You feel neglected and unwanted when pure Carolina time is happening...which leads to me feeling guilty AND you questioning how long you will wait. We already know how the guilt completely destroys the process of me trying to figure things out.
SO you see...both of these "what we have tried" things are very faulty, and have not made anything better.
Possible solution-
These are the things I need (they are also things that I, myself, go back on, which means your support is greatly needed)
1) space
2) time
3) honest converstaions only when we honestly want them
4) stopping the conversations the SECOND they go down hill (such as last night as soon as money was brought up) This will be HARD because we both want to keep on it (esp me) but SOMEONE has to REFUSE to continue it, and the other person may be mad and feel uncared for or hurt, but hopefully that person can find it in themself to understand later (prob not right away) and be ok with the conversation ending.
5) NO obligation....if I feel like I have to talk to you just to keep your head up, I feel guilty when I don't because I just don't feel like it at the moment, and we know how messed up things get at that point...I get confused about what I want and why I want it AND I get angry with you for feeling like you are making me do things I do not want to
6) constant reassurance...your negativity and pessimism has been driving me to breaking point lately, and i KNOW it is NOT good for you either
7) love...no problem here. You are my world, and I know know know I am yours.
PLEASE STUDY THIS
another thing has crossed my mind....I have ups and downs that are out of this world. It is not like me. Perhaps recent events have lead me into a depression, an actual medical one. I am not sure what to do about that????? Any ideas?
ALSO- forewarning....my period is on its way
I think I would like to communicate ONLY through e-mail a few days...NO phone or aim...e-mail gives us time to think before responding. Can we do that?
I need your strength, I need your patience, and I need your love.
Write me back please
"If the road gets rocky girl, just steady as we go" -Dave
I won't give up.
-Babydoll
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Posted by kmedcalf on 2008-01-22 17:43:26 | Rating: | Views: 111
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As hard as this is... you need to NOT talk -- both of you... in any way, shape or form for at least 1 week... this way you both have clear heads. Believe me... I just went through something like this... Both of you will be able to think a lot more clear if you have no contact for at least a full week.
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Posted by helen1282
on 2008-01-25 18:54:16
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Let me know how it turns out... Everyone deserves a second chance... Good Luck!
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Posted by helen1282
on 2008-01-25 18:54:58
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