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my feet grow unsteady as of late.
i have so many things to say, opinions to voice, and yet i spend so much time supressing my thoughts in the reality that lies beyond the computer screen...and so to turn it on, even here in a safe enviroment is a challenge. my boyfriend is tired of me. i am tired of waiting to suddenly be seen for the prize i thought i was.
my child gets older and i feel as though i have doomed her to a life of fatherless existence. i tried, i really did. to put together a system in which she would be cared for. and i feel like i have failed her in this way. she is loved, she is cherished. but am i enough to stem the tide of ridicule we face? single mother and child...it just sounds bad. i was so overjoyed at her existence that i never stopped to wonder at how we would be recieved by the world around us. everywhere i go i am already met and defined before a word passes through my lips. we aren't people, we are a stereotype.
i can weather the storm and bear the brunt of the rejection and staring eyes. but what about her? what has she done to deserve all the scorn? what did she do but simply fight to exist in a world thats not ready for her kind? i am not lower than low and refuse to be treated as such. but i've had time to thicken my skin, i have resources with which is battle for my dignity and self esteem. all she has is an infectious grin.
i don't worry for myself...i've had my share of self pity and found freedom in my pen. but her soul is so tiny and delicate. and i fear for what she will have to overcome in effort to reach the same playing field as everyone else.
and the world keeps it promise daily, always letting me down. |
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Posted by kmalbro on 2008-03-03 00:20:58 | Rating: | Views: 32
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