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everyone says that parenting is hard.
i've known this for most of my life. i grew up with four younger siblings and an absent set of parents. my older sister and i basically raised the younger kids and until recently it never seemed all that odd. my dad, who worked from 5am to 9pm every day and then overtime on the weekends to support his family was always absent...who can blame him? and my mother, left with the burden of raising six children by herself was simply overwhelmed with responsiblities. i don't blame them for how they functioned...in fact, the older i get the more i understand their dilemmas and empathize with their unfortunate circumstances. my mother was unable to carry her burdens and would just jump ship for days at a time. sometimes she would lock herself in her bedroom and not come out, and other days she would get in her car to go to store and then not come home until a week had passed.
and then after i got older i took on a job as a full time live in nanny for six children. my employer was a single mom trying to make her life pan out, she worked 40 plus hours a week and liked to party on the weekends. so i became something like a slave to these six children. i made their meals, i cleaned their house, i got them ready for school in the morning, i helped them with their homework when they got off the bus. i changed diapers, washed dishes, sat in on parent teacher conferences, i broke up countless arguments and put them to bed at night. i did this for more than a year.
so i know that parenting is hard work.
now i have a child. and i love her more than life itself.
but it is hard work raising her. and lonely work because my boyfriend doesn't want to be involved. i haven't had a night off from her since she was born. not one hour even.
i have not left her side since the day she was born. four months straight now with not one break and no help. if my boyfriend had a job i might let him off the hook. instead he is just tired of being around the house and does not like being woken up in the morning by a crying baby because he was out until 3am the night before.
i love my child.
but sometimes i hate my life.
i can't afford daycare. and because i can't afford daycare and there is no one else to watch her, i can't get a job to eventually save up for daycare. the state cannot pay for a full ride in daycare, even temporarily. and i can't afford to even pay half of what daycare costs. i know. i have applied for benefits, loans everything. nothing works out. i have tried everything. the state actually laughs at me because they think my boyfriend ought to be helping me out. but he doesn't and because he doesn't there is nothing they can do.
i am stuck in a rut and sometimes i just feel like complaining.
complaint noted, filed. and thats the end of it.
further blogs on things more interesting to follow.
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Posted by kmalbro on 2008-01-05 13:05:52 | Rating: | Views: 207
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Take a look at what is working for you and what is not and make the change. You deserve better.
Practice self love. Once you love yourself things will change and you will not have to settle.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world. I just read a blog of Hollis and I would recommend you go see her for a visit. Read her blog on parenting, it says it all, well almost.
Good luck to you!
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2008-01-05 20:25:48
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I wish you lived closer. I have become quite the babysitter over the last few months. (Who would have thought?) Is there any way to start a single moms support group in your area where you could help each other out? I've heard of that working in other places. I wish you the best. Keep smiling.
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Posted by HungryHeart
on 2008-01-06 15:36:24
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Seek out your King, oh so lovely Queen.
You may have had to kiss a few toads, but surely a woman of a beautiful mother's heart, deserves a King, not a toad.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2008-01-08 15:43:08
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