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to day is the day I push my feeling aside. today is the day I think about other people.
I decided to try and push all my feeing aside. I obsurve everything going on and what happens to people
when feelings come up. for an example. my mom and my older half sister: okay so my mom called my older
sister to go get her midcation. well my sister comes and calls her an tells her to bring out money to her car.
my mom says okay whatever. so my mom comes out and brings the money for the medication. and my sister says you
shouldnt act like a snob when someone is doing something gor you. so they are both acting pretty snoby.
my mom felt she didnt have to come out cause she was sick and my sister thought that she should have been more
considerate.
okay how feelins came in. well for my sister she got "butt hurt" meaning her feelings got hurt. so the type
of person she happens to be is im always right, or I am the queen. so she will arugue and arugue back.
she will never say shes wrong. and so her feelings being hurt she yelled back. hurting my moms feelings.
if my sister pushed her feeelings aside and just said okay and went and got the medication, i think it
would have been better. she should have tuffened up and act more mature. an even since they argued
if she just came up and said sorry I have been having a bad day, would have been fine also. even if she
really wasnt sorry.
My family motto: everyman for themselves. It seems like everyone is my family only cares about what happens to them.
we all need to understand here, that if that is how it is then its not being a family. we are all very emontional
needy and protective over ourself. We have a huge miscomunaction problem and everyone just snaps at eachother blows
uo on one another. we asume thing to quickly. we dont see eachother sides or point of views.
today i felt like i saw more of my mom side of things. she has these crazy momments, and the pot is making her very
stupid, which makes other people irratable at times. everyone just makes everything she says anoying. because they have
just gotten use to it. people blow up on my mom alot, becaus ethey get so irratble over little things dont say anything
and then say it all at once in a fight.
we are making eCHOTHER sick.and not the kinda sick where you get a cold. I think we all play a part in this mess we are
incounting. maybe my mom plays a big part of it but we all have a part. my dad blew up on here today. he just got so fed
up. and something pushed him over the edge. he pushed all her buttons with words. he targetd most of her insecuritys with
somre more words. and then he dragged it on and on and on. causing her to overreact, and start hitting him. it was like two
little chicldren fighting. my dad being the older one, and my mom being the younger one. he would just sit there and say
cmon hit me, pushing more of her buttons. she almost left until he aplogized it all up. then he used the right words to calm her down
which i know he didnt mean those kind words. but I knew he meant the mean ones. i know because he constantly vents to me about her
Im trying not to take sides. im starting to see both of the point of views. I hope things get better for them and the family.
I live my life for other people. I let people walk on me. I am the door matt to their door of happiness or easier routes.
right now I feel empty emontionless maybe a little sad, the only emontion that will come. I try to seak out my happines
but its hiding from and won't come out no matter how many times I call.
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Posted by kilo on 2008-02-01 22:29:48 | Rating: | Views: 42
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